A Blog Called Nowhere

Dear Art Review,

Do you have brain damage? Why are you such idiots? Why are the top three artists on your "power 100" list Men who might of been powerful 10,15 or 20 years ago? Am I living on another planet? Did I miss blow job day at Art Review Magazine? Because I never wake up in the morning thinking about the work of Damien Hirst being influential, I thought it had been established that he is a joke. ABCN likes Tracey Emin and believes she is more influential then Damien Hirst by a long shot. So are a bazillion other woman. I know it's too much to expect that you would include more then one measly woman artist out of 100 art world people on your stupid fucken list, so I won't grip about the ONLY ONE WOMAN thing because, well, honestly after years of reading lists like this (like getting slammed in the Yoni by a ten ton steal girder over and over and over) the fact is, my feminist spirit is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Is Matthew Barney more powerful then Amy Sillman or Lisa Yuskavage? Or maybe you mean he's more powerful at arm wrestling? Because surely you don't mean he is more influential then these ladies. I look forward to never ever being on your list, thanks for not concidering me or anyone I think of as "Powerful" in the art world.

Sincerely Yours,

Corny


Idiot list:
1: François Pinault, owner of Gucci and Christies. 2: Larry Gagosian, dealer, five galleries around the world. 3: Sir Nicholas Serota, director, Tate Modern, 4: Glenn D Lowry, director, Museum of Modern Art, New York. 5: Samuel Keller, director of the Art Basel art fair 6: Eli Broad, Los Angeles-based collector and philanthropist 7: Charles Saatchi, collector and gallery owner 8: Matthew Slotover & Amanda Sharp, co-publishers of Frieze magazine and co-directors of Frieze art fair 9: Bruce Nauman, American artist 10: Jeff Koons, American artist 11: Damien Hirst, British artist 12: Brett Gorvy & Amy Cappellazzo, international co-heads of post-war and contemporary art at Christie's, New York 13: Robert Storr, American curator 14: Iwan Wirth, Swiss dealer, part of Zwirner & Wirth 15: Marian Goodman, New York-based gallerist 16: David Zwirner, New York gallerist 17: Gerhard Richter, German artist 18: Marc Glimcher, New York gallerist 19: Jay Jopling, owner, White Cube gallery, London 20: Mike Kelley, American artist 21: Paul Schimmel, chief curator, Museum of Contemporary Art, LA 22: Andreas Gursky, German photographer 23: Cheyenne Westphal & Tobias Meyer, auctioneers, Sotheby's 24: Barbara Gladstone, New York, gallerist 25: Thelma Golden, executive director, Studio Museum, New York 26: Victoria Miro, gallery owner, London 27: Dakis Joannou, Greek collector 28: Richard Prince, American collector 29: Don & Mera Rubell, American collectors 30: Donna de Salvo, Shamim Momin & Chrissie Iles, curators, Whitney Museum of American Art, New York 31: Daniel Birnbaum Writer, director, Portikus gallery, Frankfurt 32: Steven A Cohen, American hedge fund tycoon and collector 33: Michael Govan, director, LA County Museum of Art 34: Simon de Pury, owner, Phillips de Pury auction house 35: Sadie Coles, London-based dealer 36: Robert Gober, American sculptor 37: Eugenio Lopez, Mexican/US-based collector 38: Bruno Brunnet, Nicole Hackert & Philipp Haverkampf, directors, Contemporary Fine Art gallery, Berlin 39: Francesca von Habsburg, Austrian collector and philanthropist 40: Jeffrey Deitch, New York gallerist 41: Nicholas Logsdail Founder, Lisson Gallery, London 42: Thomas Hirschhorn, Swiss artist 43: Iwona Blazwick, director, Whitechapel art gallery, London 44: The Wrong Gallery, New York, conceptual gallery 45: Jeff Wall, Canadian photographer 46: Hans Ulrich Obrist, co-director, Serpentine gallery, London 47: Ingvild Goetz, German collector 48: Pierre Huyghe, French artist 49: UBS Swiss, investment bank and major art sponsor 50: Deutsche Bank, German bank and major art sponsor 51: Tracey Emin, British artist 52: Gilbert & George, British artists 53: Dominique Levy & Robert Mnuchin, New York gallerists 54: Harry Blain & Graham Southern, London-based gallerists 55: Roberta Smith, senior art critic, New York Times 56: Herzog & de Meuron, Swiss architects behind Tate Modern 57: Jerry Saltz, art critic for the Village Voice 58: Frank Gehry, American architect of the Bilbao Guggenheim 59: Javier Peres, Cuban-born dealer 60: Christine Macel, contemporary art curator at the Centre Pompidou, Paris 61: Eileen Norton, Los Angeles collector 62: Rosa & Carlos de la Cruz, Miami collectors 63: Ralph Rugoff, director, the Hayward Gallery, London 64: Max Hetzler, Berlin-based gallerist 65: Miuccia Prada, fashion designer and collector 66: Neo Rauch, German artist 67: Gerd Harry Lybke, German dealer 68: Carsten Höller Sweden-based Belgian-born artist, newly installed in Tate Modern's Turbine Hall 69: Maureen Paley, London gallerist 70: Zach Feuer, New York gallerist 71: Ai Weiwei, Chinese artist 72: Antoine de Galbert, French collector 73: Richard Serra, American sculptor 74: Paul McCarthy, American artist 75: Okwui Enwezor, New York-based curator 76: William Acquavella, New York gallerist 77: Matthew Marks, New York gallerist 78: Michael Ringier, Swiss media magnate 79: James Lingwood & Michael Morris, co-directors, Artangel, London 80: Thomas Krens & Lisa Dennison, director and deputy director, Guggenheim, New York 81: Matthew Higgs, chief curator, White Columns, New York 82: Lorenz Helbling, Swiss-born gallerist 83: David Adjaye, London-based architect 84: Anita & Poju Zabludowicz, London-based private collectors 85: Hou Hanru, Chinese-born curator, based in US 86: Gavin Brown, British-born New York gallerist 87: Lynne Cooke, curator at the Dia Art Foundation, New York 88: Anselm Kiefer, German artist 89: Jean-Marc Bustamante, French artist 90: Matthew Barney, American artist 91: Rem Koolhaas, Dutch architect and author 92: Ann Philbin Director, the Hammer Museum, New York 94: Anish Kapoor, Bombay-born London-based sculptor 95: agnès b. French clothing designer and gallerist 96: Luc Tuymans, Belgian artist 97: João Oliveira Rendiero, art collector and chairman, Lisbon's Banco Privado Portugues 98: Takashi Murakami, Japanese artist 99: Cai Guo-Qiang, Chinese artist 100: Google, ubiquitous internet search engine

A bird loves a tube: photo essay in four parts.

Last week I made a Ouija board and last night we took it for a spin.
This is what we got from the board:
S A M 7 2
D T R C O
(we ask if the spirit "Sam72" saw a doctor and the board said NO)
5 1
H V A ?
3 0
G E E V 7 ; R
D . F
Q Q F K ! (Obvious to everyone this meant "fuck you", at this point we asked the spirit if it was sad and the Planchette pointed to NO). It finished off with
A O W J T V (possibly it was talking to us in anagrams and trying to say Another Onerous Wench Joggles The Woodpecker, or something.

Painting tip: Start your paint session by creating a plasma ball of energy between your hands.

Searcher With A Confusing Task 1951 Dubuffet

The radiant glow of cranes on the cargo docks, the quiet hum of the monorail, the local library's subtle nod to International Style architecture, thats right, I'm talking about Miami. We're going for the weekend to stalk MM and hopefully get some photographic evidence of the mythic unclean dreadlock sprouting from her bottom.

Parents of the Corn are taking us to see the Eisenstein film ALEXANDER NEVSKY at the New York Philharmonic tonight. The score by Sergei Prokofiev is played along with the movie which tells the story of the Russian people's struggle against the Teutonic Knights. The battle scenes are meant to be spectacular though totally unrealistic and highly stylized, like paintings.

The composer used ferocious percussion to punctuate one of the film's most spectacular scenes: the cracking of the ice on a lake during a battle, sending the Teutonic knights plunging to their deaths in the icy water.

With With Alexander Nevsky Eisenstein enters a second phase (of developing his theory of montage) in which the individual within the collective dominates the narrative, while vertical montage and pictorial composition replace intellectual montage as the primary formal devices in his films.

The emphasis upon the individual within the collective in Alexander Nevsky can be seen as the maturing of the earlier concept in which the mass is portrayed as hero. Reflecting upon Soviet silent cinema, Eisenstein writes that the films are flawed in that they fail to fully represent the concept of collectivity: "collectivism means the maximum development of the individual within the collective . . .

Check out the film clip here. There are tickets left for this show also you can get tickets for all shows for the NY Philharmonic for 18 bucks with student id, now thru Saturday.

Hats off to André Butzer:

Chaotic figurative clambakes with hopped up space aliens, potatos, smiling skull slabs, flow charts, jumbles of wires and white gloves that hint at a German disneyland.

Tom Sanford is taking care of ABCN's ongoing content issue for the next couple of days. Tom Sanford: Professional Hobbyist: An Interview with Corny. Some of my answers were flushed out with the help of Seamonkee and Ms. Andre.

A SONG FOR FB Stairway to Dollywood

SONG OF THE DAY Violence Grows

A musical tribute to the Cat Show which is today and tomorrow at MSG. We're thinking if we see any of these were getting one.

My beautification ritual whose regimen of weaving doo-dads into the hair, eyelash tinting then shaving, facials with French skincare products, tatooing and ouchy piercings is taking up most of the day. We are prepairing for the 2006 "End Your Suffering Through Art Lecture Circut Slap Down!" I'll be delivering a paper on Micro-economics at the Intersection of Art, Cencorship and Terrorism in and around the Boston area. Audiences will be rewarded with question/answer periods that I'm expecting to last all week, so I won't be back till Friday. Do with that as you please.

We’re missing Mrs. Andry while she is away globe trotting with her band, Chicks on Speed, (we hear her grand tatas made it onto the cover of a newspaper in the Canary Islands), it's quiet at The Mounds without our teenage son. Mrs. Andry’s Theme song is “Dandy" by David Garrick or The Kinks, the song is a perfect fit, no one’s got the fop down like she does what with the fedora and vests and it doesn’t stop there, she is a true esthétique through and through. Unable to find an mp3 of “Dandy” on the interweb we’ll make do with this.

As GRANDMASTER B
might start off a question; riddle me this Batman, why is New York such a majorly SUCK ASS music town? There is not one single record store left in NY that has an import section where a fan of britpop can find the goods. It really chafes my hide, first HMV shuts down which was bad enough but Virgin was the LAST PLACE in NY that had a British import section (please correct me if I'm wrong) and they had to go and replace my favorite 20x20 foot piece of real estate in the city with a HIPHOP section!!! Are you KIDDING me?! Outrage, scandal and outrage! Don't even talk to me about Radio in New York City, if you can't pick up WFMU, your chances of hearing anything other then London Bridge would be like livin' in Slimsville. Nothing against Fergie, I gotta admit I like that song...

News Flash from Nerdville USA, check it, micro-photography teaches us that shrimps have square eyes and sapphire substrates look like a mountain man painting. The 20 Best Micro-Photographs on Earth

THANK YOU DR. SEAMONKEE

You have changed my life with your recommendation to check out Coast to Coast radio.
Now gentle readers, if I may ask; are you a psychic vampire? Would you know it if you were? Does Lockheed Martin have secret information about extra terestial presence on earth? Do you trust them when they say the don't? Why doesn't your insurance company pay for past & future life therapy? Are they scared of your health? Who lives inside the Hollow Earth anyhow and is it like New York at all in there?
All of these questions and tons of excellent of content by slightly left of mainstream scientists, astronomers and physicists. These shows have been BENDING MY MIND. Guests are invited to talk about Big Bang theories, the bizarre world of Quantum Mechanics, Life on Mars, artificial intelligence, the dark side of nanotechnology, consciousness & quantum entanglement and a fantastic show about the intersecion of Science & Spirituality by a physicist with a deep interest in so called "god".
It's six bucks a month to subscribe to the site and you can download hundreds of shows onto your ipod. Seamonkee instructed me to treat it like play time where you can escape the dull confines of this reality and think about THE POSSIBILITIES. Coast to Coast is great to listen to while painting. And driving. And cleaning the house which I don't do much but if i did...