A Blog Called Nowhere

Tonight Goldie Lookin Chain was bustin up the Bowery Ballroom. It wasn't crowded but there were some diehard fans doing karaoke (lairy geezers one and all). Check out the chev standing infront of me, innit brilliant!
Lyrics from Half Man Half Machine:

eggsie: adam, do you read me over? i am going down the shop to buy 10 fags. do you need a drink or some crisps?

adam: you fukin' can't go down the shop like that man you got fukin' tin foil wrapped around your head

eggsie: it's not tin foil, it's my new skin. i am a robot i have interfaced with my spectrum. behold!

adam: you're fukin' nuts man, stop talking like that?

eggsie: what do you mean? it is my normal voice. my computer integrated voice circuit is making me speak like this.

adam: stop talking like that you fukin' bell-end, i'm getting a bit worried now

eggsie i am a robot, i am a robot. ah haaaaa.....

(more pics at Ficker, you knows it)

Back from coconut island. I was going to go on a COLOSSAL CRASH DIET in Saint Barts but ended up gaining weight because my advice to you: don't try to lose weight in a French colony, we were consuming one stick of butter after another. NBD. We had a terrifc time. Vacation reading:
Saturday by Ian McEwen. Neurologist has an off day. There's lots to chew on in this book and a berserk climax. B+ maybe an A.
Snobs by Julian Fellowes. Thumbs up, if you like Edith Wharton and Oscar Wilde you'll love this book. A+
Dueveen by S.N. Behrman and Saul Steinburg. Duveen built the art collections of Morgan, Frick, Huntinton, Kress, Mellon and others. He was an uncanny salesman and the first to figure out early that Americans with big money wanted to buy culture so he sold them European art. A boring read about an interesting subject. B-
Enders Game by Orson Scott Card. Written in the 70's... I found it in the beach house. The premise is that violent children are best suited to lead inter-galactic armies. It's similarity to Harry Potter was striking, but not as inventive. Curiously it won the Hugo and Nubula Sci Fi awards. C-
Also dug into some art essays including a selection from Cezanne by Roger Fry and Cezanne's Doubt by Merleau-Ponty. Gotta go look at those Cezannes again.

More Saint Barts Pics? Simply click on the image and you'll be instantly transported to my picture ward.

Mrs. Cub and I are in Saint Barts. We've been staying in Vic's aunt's beach house but today we made our way over to their other house (I know...) which is bigger and on top of a mountain also the computer is here... I'll be back in NYC on the 30th and will post a picture of my giant new melanoma next to the sparkeling blue infinity pool. Au revoir chevreau...

...so I give props to all the chicks who navigate this world. This is a mildly alphabetically list of woman artist whos work has made my life better, and I will not be shackeled by the limitations of so called "correct" spelling:
Janine Antoni,Marina Abromovic,Polly Apfelbaum,Alix Bagg,Lee Bontecou,Ina Barfuss,Louise Borgouise,Cecily Brown,Linda Benglis,Uta barth,Mary Cassatt,Ona B,Ellen Berkenblit,Hellen Chadwick,Dorothy Cross,Claud Cahun,Patricia Cronin,LeonoraCarrinton,Laura Cottingham,Marlene Dumas,Elaine DeKooning,DanceNoise,kim Dingle,Harriet Dodge,Ellen Cantor,ValiExport,Inka Essenheigh, Rochelle Feinstein,Rachel Feinstein,EveFowler,Tracy Emin,Katharina Fritsch,Andrea Fraser,Helen Frankenthaller,Ester Hammerman,Eva Hess,Rachael Harrison, Daphney Fitzpatric,Roxana Geffen,Nancy Graves,Wynn Greenwood,Nan Goldin,Mary Heilmann,Hanna Hoch,Birgitte Jorgensen,Frida kahlo,Stanya Kahn,Deborah kass,Barbara Kruger,Yayoi Kusama,Lee Krasner,Sara Lukas,Sharon Lockhart,LTTR,Sherrie Lavine,Rachel Lachowitz, Zoe Lenord, Joan Mitchel, Carrie Moyer,Agnes Martin,Marilyn Minter,Medrie McPhee,Annette Messager,Suzanne McClelland,Sara Morris,Paula Modersohn-Becker,Ana Mendieta, Louise Nevelson,Shirin Neshat, Alice Neel,Catherine Opie,Yoko Ono,Laura Owens,Georgia Okeeffe,Elizabeth Payton,Betty Parsons, Nikki deSaintPhalle,Judy Pfaff,Pipilloti Rist,Fiona Rae,Bridgit Riley,Lisi Raskin,Paula Rego,Faith Ringold,Amy Sillman,Nancy Spero,Sarah Sze,Sigrid Sandstrum(sp?),Jenny Saville,Sandra Scolnik,Kiki Smith,Lisa Sanditz,Leslie Singer,Pat Steir,A.L. Steiner,Allison Smith,Joan Snyder,Dana Shutz,Jessica Stockholder,Cindy Sherman,Nicola Tyson,Rosemarie Trockel,Cosima Von Bonum,Kara Walker,Suzanne Wright,Jackie Windsor,Rachel Whiteread,Laurie Weeks,Lisa Yuskavich,Andrea Zittel...and plenty more, especially young artists whos names I'm forgetting right now.

back in 2000 the art group Gelatin was working in the World Trade Center as part of that art program on the 92nd floor. They constructed a shack next to a window, they attached themselves to the walls of the shack with belts, then they cut a window out of the World Trade Center, quickly put down a pre built balcony constructed out of 2x4s, and at dawn, walked out on to the stumpy little balcony on the 92nd floor. Meanwhile, Leo Koenig was across the street on the top floor of a hotel taking pictures with a telephoto lens. I think there was also a hired helocopter documenting it. Long story short, they all got sued and in the settlement the photos were surpressed, I couldn't find any on the internet, but some photos of the event are out there, I saw one in the Horts collection. Leo has one of their photo sculptures up at his gallery right now. I superheart Gelatin.

This Thursday: Fischerspooner show and after party. To get in free rsvp: fischerspoonerrsvp@misshapes.com
I'm up at Bard tomorrow for final crits. Fuck, I wasn't sure I'd make it! this has been the LONGEST SLOWEST semester in the history of teaching*. I'll be back with more shenanigans on wednesday and will post any outstanding student paintings that I see.
*Note to students of mine who may read this; that statment has nothing to do with you. I went to the doctor this week and was told my blood pressure is very very LOW and I'm thinking this is affecting my perception of the passage of time, slowing it down to the apathetic pace of a phlegmatic snail, as t'were.

It's been a long strange weekend on guv'nors island. I met people, played spin the bottle with some shithot peeps, snogged with one very plucky K8 Hardy, whipped a reporter from the NYT's, slept for 1/2 an hour...See the pic's here. I'm feeling like a bobblehead right now. I drew up a list of artists that I proclaimed to be fighting for, part of the deal of being involved was having to "state our cause" (in front of an audience of 200 or more people) and I immediately regretted leaving off some people who are important to me. I'll do the list as it should have been read tomorrow. I had some issues with the muster as an art event, but basically it was a fantastic weekend and Allison Smith did a great job. Tomorrow I'll post the website you go to to get on the guest list for Fischerspooner who are playing this week.

May 12th 2005. A.L. Steiner and I are representing TEAM ETHER at this years Muster on Govenor's Island. Here's the Muster web site explaining this art event organized by Allison Smith of Bellweather Gallery fame. Allison got a bunch of us permission to camp out over night on the island. Last year it was a weekend of alcohol fuled lesbianity (hearsay) set in the catskill hinterlands. Take the ferry out on Saturday and say hi, The Island has been closed to the public forever and it's suposed to be beautiful, with old forts and stuff... Amy will be taking confessions, I'll do a portrait of your shame.

Heres a list I've compiled of delusional movie stars who have thought it a good idea to start a band. All of them pretty much suck, the worst is Robert Downey Junior because I liked him so much as an actor and drug addict but he's ruined it all for me by putting out that dipstick album.
Shit List:
Keenu Reeves
Johnny Depp
Jared leto
Milla Jovovic
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Russel Crow
Don Johnson
Billy Bob Throton
Gina Gershon
John Tesh
Steven Seagull
Kevin Bacon
Bruce Willis
River Phoenix
Eddie Murphy
There are movie stars who are in bands and it works because they're not trying to be so super hip and they're actually good at it:
Woody Allen
There are stars who are in bands and I like them just for blowing out the Kitch-o-meter:
David Hasselhoff
Then there is the super ulta-rare circumstance when a cool movie star is in a cool band:
Juliette lewis.
I've been casually following Juliette and the Licks since I first heard about them is past fall. They play the Bowery Ballroom on the 28th. I've read that she puts on a wild show, I'll be out of town for then but hopefully they'll pop up somewhere else soon. The new single came out today and the full lenght album, You're Speaking My Language' is out may 16th.

If people in NY drove these, we'de all have parking spaces. It makes the Mini look like an Escalade, innit brilliant! Me and my new beer belly are happy to be back, (I don't care what so called "science" says, beer bellies are real)! The new Delta direct to Berlin makes traveling there a cinch, but still, I'm knackered.

here we are, bottom lining it. The artist and the dealer.
Click on the ArtForumTopTen in the side bar for further explanation. Also, if you click on the picture you can go to my flicker account to see pics of the drawings I had in the show and other stuff.

The opening was pretty good, 21 of the top galleries in Berlin opened on Friday night so there was tons of traffic. About 50 of us took over the Paris Bar afterwards, Daniel Richter, Tal R, were all in the haus as were some of the old dogs like Bazlitz, how cool is that. Things got wacky pretty quick, starting with artist Frank Nitsche showing me and pal Lisi his uncircumcised dick... an interesting visual accompaniment to the spargel we were eating.

Boy do the krauts ever love their albino asparagus, this is what we had for dinner after the opening. Harvested for two or three weeks a year by Barvarian gnomes, it's grown under piles of sand so it doesn't photosynthesize. I had it two nights in a row. Served with refined butter, two lumps of potato, it's considered a delicacy in Germany.

Guten tag meine freunde und feinde!
I'm outahere this afternoon. I've got an opening on Friday at the BarbaraWeissGallery (let your Berlinner friends know). Posted here is one of 10 paintings that makes up the show. I'm doing my afterparty at the notorious Paris bar with my art hero Tal R. This link has a bunch images of his work and writing to match his Art Brut style,
"Tal R creates painterly narratives that mix inspiration from pop culture and art history in multicoloured pictures".


Back next Monday with more bleeding from the skull. It's all good, like a fountain of liquid diamonds, right?
Until then, toodles!

Left you a little something on the kitchen table to help you thru the week

Greg Allen writes a depressing artical
in todays NYTimes decrying a gender bias in the art market
"Take two contemporary artists, Damien Hirst and Rachel Whiteread, who both came to prominence in the 1990's as so-called Y.B.A.'s: Young British Artists. Both have won the Tate museum's Turner Prize: Ms. Whiteread in 1993 and Mr. Hirst in 1995. And both have made their way into high-profile collections. Next week Christie's is offering an important early sculpture by Ms. Whiteread, a fiberglass and rubber cast of two mattresses from 1991, which has been on extended loan to the Irish Museum of Modern Art in Dublin. Christie's suggests a value of $400,000 to $600,000. Meanwhile, Mr. Hirst's most famous early sculpture, a tiger shark suspended in a glass tank of formaldehyde, from 1992, sold in January for $13.3 million" ..."Whiteread has an extraordinary, esteemed museum exhibition and patronage history, but it's Hirst, which has little such institutional support, which does extremely well in the marketplace."
How do you change a situation like this? Marlane Dumas breaks records for highest price for living female artist with 3 million at auction while a wanker HACK like Hirst is pulling in over 13mil. Of course all of this affects us plebeians down at the bottom of the totem pole too, which sucks 'cause please tell me, how HOT would I look in one of these?