Saturday, November 04, 2006

Memo from the Health Desk:

Arm Deskercises!

An Apple a Day
This "apple picker" stretch relieves tension in your arms, sides and waist. It feels great when done slowly and smoothly, so take your time and dont rush it. Perform the stretch first thing in the morning and periodically throughout the day.

Stretch your arms up, one at a time, as high as you can, as if reaching to pick an apple out of a tree. Repeat 10 times, alternating sides.

Are you having a brain seizure of genius the past few days or something, Corny? Jesus, blog is amazing and inspiring. Before you officially killed me with cutenes, hilariousnes, and sublimity (see earlier blatherings), I think you mighta preemptively cured me of cancer! Goddamn girlfriend, I only got so many tears of joy to cry. Slow down & leave me a few for that day in the not-to-distant future when I'm awarded a patent for my cherry-flavoried Stem Cell Lozenges! And Fruity S-Cells, in the grape-shaped plastic container, for ages 8-80! I think you know where the prototype cells for R&D will come from!
p.s. Where the hell is Ms. Andry and her enormous breastage? Can feel ground shake, so know she must be back in town, but what is up my brothers? Do you still like me?
Ms. Andry must be near, I too feel an atmospheric shift, the air is THICK and gooey with anticipation at the mounds, I can hardly stand the tension so I'll just sit back down on the giant tounge chez and relax the best way I know how.
PS. you are loved to the point of abject sycophantasmic worship around these parts.
Ah, I am feeling so fresh and ready to start my day after the apple-bobbing-stretch. Ready to walk out in the nipply air.
i have this chair in black... titilating. seamonkee & corny, please go on tour together. first stop: jersey city
peeds, it is indeed nipply out. can i cover you with my dirty paws.. er.. hands?
maw and paw, gross Dubz. It's all about keeping warm right?
yep, your chest cavity looks inviting. i might reside there until spring.
obviously that was gross dubz who said that. i would never elect to burrow unless there was cream filling inside. um... is there?
You talkin to me? Or the apple lady? Cause I have plenty of room here.
actually i wouldn't mind talking to both of you, maybe in privates?
In privates it is.
If you go to this site: and read all the lyrics, I swear you will say to me, "SeaMonkee69, and here all this time I been thinking Gallerist Sir Nicholas Serota of the Tate Modern wrote and recorded these albums in collaboration with Larry Gagosian under the pseudonym of GG Allin!"

And you know what, Questors After Truth? You' be Right!
Sample Serota/Gagosian lyric (the only one I can safely quote in public). I already posted this on the Dear art reviewer thread but eat me.

Teenage twats, teenage twats
I like what you got
Yea, teenage twat
The great punk artist GG Allen (Larry Gagosian/Sir Nichola Serota) put it best, I think, on their first hit album, "Pussy Scares The Shit Out of Me, And Like All Men I Am Obsessed with Shit," when they sang,

Thank you art world
for bein' a frin
you are filled with hate like I
am together we are a chocolate
pie only the chocolate is hate
and looks like shit which we
both love and throw money at
and the pie crust, if I may extend
the metaphor, the sugary crust
which looks so good and sweet,
is secretly the come
hither sparkle of Tom Cruise's smile
we are too stupid to enjoy
a flower, which is like a girl,
they both scare us, so we stomp on them, so let's just stick
with thoughts that's shaped
like hairy fist, which is
girls and the things they make & play
with confuse me and since I don't know what those girls MEAN
fuck 'em.
Pussy scares me, Art World,
I kick it whenever I can,
and that's why I love you, Team Player,
cause you do it even more than me!
Thanks for fighting the good fight!
By the way, I am dead of an overdose,
and clearly you are cadavers, too,
obviously your hearts ain't a-beatin',
could you give me directions on
how you still walk around and make
money even though you are a corpse?
P.S. Did you see Tim Burton's new
movie, The Corpse Gallerist?
Love GG Allen
I just picked a BUSHel of apples periodically in the last 10 minutes!--
Am I doing it right?
Don't think there's not going to be a lawsuit in your future for stealing my idea of cutting off a cow's tongue and glueing it to a chair for performance artist GG Allin to do his stretches on as performance art at the William Morris/Whitney exhibition space on 42nd street (smoking prohibited). Two words Corncub: sleeping giant.
Hahahaha. Wait, this isn't so funny.

GG allen (Larry Gagosian/Sir Nichola Serota, what a flimsy cover!) You stole the sun from my heart when you remote viewed the title for my upcoming show at The All New Allen Frumkin Gallery® and used it in your chart topper "you'll never Tame Me"

I'll always be an animal,
work myself into a fit
I run with sleazy women
and I smell like shit
I'm gonna run the red light,
I'm never slowing down
Larry Gagosian/Sir Nichola Serota are you one body with two heads or the other way around?
My heart not be a beat'n but something else sure is, I'm pullin my pud until it bleeds!
Hi seamonkee I wuv woo.
Seamonkee you are obviously very frisky today, when you say eat me do you mean literally dine on your flesh like the the bastard son of a loaded gun that I am?
I've cut off my tongue and glued it to a cow, now, where is my money you cheating twats?
I wouldn't mind a little nibble on my Area. Nothin' personal, I just need to pass out from a molecule of remembered pleasure.
I am a swine for the monkee of the stirring seas. There is a tickling sensation coming to you courtesy of DHL in the morning.
Corny, I am bedridden due to I am LITERALLY laughing my ass off at your new chart-topping classic You Can't Tame Me, set to premiere at the Allin-Frumpkin gallery. A girl can get by without a lot, but rilly, you gotta have the rounded shelf-like ass cheek for which I WAS justly famed. If in fact I am a girl.

Molecule of Remembered Pleasure, here's the DSL, here's me--Are you a tiny little shy memory? Molecule? Remecule? Molerem?

Who wants to be in me and Corny and Al's new band, Molecules of Remembered Pleasure? All are welcome! We'll dress up like water molecules that were turned into perfect beautiful crystals with loving thoughts in that experiment by that japanese guy in japan. He was a scientist!
By the way, Corn, why does a word like Deskercise keep on giving and giving and giving the hilarious fillins?! Thank you, Corno!
also corn: "remote viewed". You know what I'm talkin bout.
dear legalize murder, molecule ORP, & bastard son: I love you all. If in fact you are in this dimension and if in fact you aren't. No conditions. Rule #78: No excuses. Play like a champion. (That's for me, not you. No rules for you, just play around.)

Anne Heche is walking around in the rain in a Malaysian prison yard looking smart and like she loves Vince Vaughan while she wears what appears to be the top white layer of one of them maxi pads you was talking about.

I'm sorry corny & frins that I'm making sweet love to your blog this "morning" (3:24 pm) over coffee . . .
"There was mutual respect and admiration among all the members of the cast, but all agreed that it was newcomer Vince Vaughan who kept the passion flowing and everyone came away from filming "Return to Paradise" thinking This Was A Magical Experience. Anne Heche had such a good time working with Vince Vaughan that THE DUO teamed up again on, um, this one other movie that they teamed up on this one time or whatever
Oh, DHL! I was thinking dSL!!! krazee seamonkee69!
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