Tuesday, June 13, 2006

 
IMPENDING DOOM? THE ABCN EMERGENCY GO KIT® UNVAILED!
our insurance company dropped us following the fire we had while renovating The Mounds and we found ourselves searching in vain for another home owners insurance policy. No one would have us. Our broker told us major providers were no longer accepting new clients in our area of Brooklyn because of the threat of flood damage. Apparently insurance companies are worried about a major hurricane hitting NY in the not so distant future. The Insurance industry tends to be on the cutting edge of hurricane and terrorism assessment which brings me to the question, what the fuck? Well I'm not going to be caught with my balloon pants down, this GoKit® will ensure that we have everything we'll need in an emergency, ready and sitting by the door.

Comments:
Don't forget the cat.

And frozen sausages.
 
Your pencil is so big corns. I'd like you to fill up my sharpener with it and spray your shavings all over me.
 
Don't forget to put the FEMA emergency hotline # in your kit.
PSYCHE! Joke's on you!

Sorry Corns, I'm in touch with my anger this morning and it ain't beautiful.
Grrrr, I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!
 
I second that emotion capt'n! There's no state-run "insurer of last resort" in NY. Which is one of the many factoids to file under W for "why republicans suck."

Corny, I've said it before, I'll say it again: no survival kit is complete without a Wavewalker®.
 
Sloth thats so MacGyver, a couple'a blocks of foam and a venetian blind et voila, excape from Manhatten!
 
Capt'n, anger is a fantastic emotion, totally misunderstood and undervalued, enjoy it while it lasts!
 
everyone will have their own take on what one needs to survive after the Giant Disaster® but I'm pretty sure we can all agree that the baseball cap with roll bars will help in any situation.

There is an artical in the Times today about people spending FEMA money on weird survival equipment, like the guy who bought 300$ worth of GirlsGoneWild videos with reliefe money. Whatever it takes.
 
Hey! Those GGW vids are going to be collector's items in the not-too-distant future when College Student Fornication replaces stock car racing as America's #1 spectator sport...
 
I'll have to discuss this eventuality with my bookie and brush up on betting stratigies. Now about the giant pencil, do you want me to put some music on first? Maybe a little Hall and Oats?
 
Corns, this is a brilliant post. Here I am stocking up on baked beans and duct tape. But I need the waistband expander for sure...after eating the baked beans. I also think I need the big pencil to jab my co-worker in the eye with. Capt'n, I am with you.
 
I believe you are refering to Daryl Hall and John Oat(e)s, probably the infamous song 'Maneater'. May I also suggest Pat Benetar's 'Love is a Battlefield'? In fact, I'd prefer you wear a Benetar skinny headband (red or white) while administering the treatment. And mesh fingerless gloves w/ velcro. Oh what the hell, you might as well bring the jumper cables and the lighters as well!
 
Gee wizz Peeds theres so much to think about when beginning life over Post Giant Disaster. If it's going to be all Mad Maxish I'll want a battery opperated hand fan, but if it's going to be more WaterWorldy then obviously I'll want my pool noodle.

The co-worker sounds like unt natchmare! Cough every time she comes near you and she'll subconciously learn to stay away.
 
Thats suposed to read "...when beginning life over post Giant Disaster.
 
BB, I'm chosing the music and it's going to be How deep is Your Love by the Bee Gees mashed up with Grease by Frankie Valli. Also I have to insist you wear a ball gag.
 
I will definitely need the pants-stretcher in a Waterworld-ian future-society because I would like to take advantage of the many varieties of delicious plankton that will surely be floating about.
...And of course the personal water jet is a must have for anyone on the lamb from the corrupt water police of the future...
 
You guys are underestimating the healing properties of a good game of poker. I hope those cards are waterproof.

I am less angry at the little one, as she is experiencing boyfriends troubles. I am trying to be all big-sisterly right now, but I am conflicted.
 
whoa, crossed paths. a ball-gag is so '90's... can't we go with a really big novelty pacifier?
 
Forget the pants-strecher, wear me! I go great with a ball-gag.
 
I'll never get voted off the rooftop on account of I know how to start a fire with a condom. In fact, that's my superpower...
 
Novelty pacifier. Ok. I can abide by that. Or maybe just a roll of paper towels and some string, thats economical and I'm inspired by Sloths comment to get MacGivery and creative like.
 
Sloths thats it. I'm putting you in my GoKit™
 
If I have to do without the Pasta Express, so be it. Did anyone say this was going to be easy?
 
we can make condom-fires and spit-roast sorority girls for that down-home, slow-cooked goodness.
 
Works better with a penis inside. Just sayin.
 
i can start a fire with a condom too, but all it takes is good old-fashion stick-to-it-ive-ness and a 12-year old girl/boy...
 
oh peeds... i just peed, I think, noodle-roni style...
 
There's an Art Director here we could start with...
 
lol. Peeds. AAAAAAAAARGUE. God my dream of heaven is a world in which everything we write comes true.
 
I'm going to go work on my stupid garden.
It's just dirt and one fern plant but still, it needs tending. You guys are the light of my life.
 
my penis is 84% asbestos, so you probably shouldn't set fire to it. when i'm finished with it, I plan on recycling it according to NY state bylaws.
 
I am with you on that, Corns. Like when I say "Die, sorority girl, die!"
 
don't worry, bb, you're in a safe place here. (note to corns: pack the respirator, heh.)
 
You mean Bi-laws? I know you do.
 
do your worst sloth; killing my penis only makes it stronger (it has the force.) as for you tantalizer, are you male? because i'd like to subject you to my guy-laws if you know what i mean... (wink, nudge.)
 
I was hoping you'd say that BB.
 
grows back like a starfish, y'mean bb? or the Blob? it'd be cooler if it also multiplied itself; just think how useful!
 
yes sloth it's like a hydra (mythical multi-headed beast.) It's actually quite a problem - I can only wear pleated khakis!
 
a kilt would work, wouldn't it? manly, yes.
 
Morning cornblog. This post is inspiring me to leave town, at least in my mind, even if there is no emergency yet. Smooshes.
 
I feel there is an emergency this a.m. It is in my mind and my bathing suit region. HELP! I have enlarged the poster of Shane's little sister to life-size and it is over my bed.
 
Morn'n MM. You might want to do as I do and practice walking on water in your bathtub for easy out incase Giant Disaster™ strikes today
 
Vapes don't do that to yourself. It's not too late for you, you can still lead a healthy normal life, just take the poster down...
 
...slowly
 
g'mornin, sunshines! guess what - we're bidding on the Giant Disaster™ logo and identity at beige! It's a HUGE account, & we're very excited at the prospect. sub-categories include: Super Volcanoes, Nuclear War, Mega Tsunamis, Asteroid Impacts, Deadly Pandemic. any and all ideas welcome.
 
OMG! Thats huge Sloths. I'm thinking you need to develop a trademark character like this?
 
Oh, that's so meta, Corny... sheer genius! you're hired.
 
New song in sidebar by Alan Moore, a side project of Alan, Alex Green, and David J. (of both Bauhaus and Love and Rockets) circa 1983.

What are they doing at night in the park? Think of them waddling about in the dark! Sneering and whispering and stealing your cars, Reading pornography, smoking cigars!
Ducks. Ducks. Quack-quack. Quack-quack.
 
Thats me, Corny Meta Cub.
I've go my running shoes on, I wonder if that means I'll actually go jogging?
 
Nope, I'd rather work on a logos for GiantDisaster™ account

good one forfor Hurricane
 
Here I go again, ruining my own blog.
Now I must banish myself using a wiccan spells and a pully system.
 
Corns, I have a wicca kit right here. It includes 3 potions, a feather from a white dove and a silk blindfold. I will bring it tomorrow.
 
to gather good ju ju for Miss Attorney Street?? you ARE an contestant, correct Corny? i def think you should.
 
Attorney street...from my days on Law and Odor.
 
I want to be Ms. Rectum, I mean Rector street.
 
I dunno, I can do evening gown, even swimsuit (I got my Teflon coated Speedo) but the talent part of the competition has me worried. I can play Greensleves on the recorder and that does not a winner make.
 
the ducks song is great, thanks corny
 
is that Depends for an Elder with b/l inguinal hernia? why the droopy crotch?
 
I just tripped over my crotch. Ow! Depends, lift me higher!
 
Miss Corny. I love your ways and means.
 
Me too.
 
Where did you find it? Interesting read Missouri farmers tax credits ultram fedex Sranton news tv Kingston v. guy-perkins basketball
 
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