Wednesday, May 24, 2006

 
Office inspired Sculptures and instalations

Upper management would like to dedicate this blog post to Gene Tierney and anyone else who has to be in an office today. The new song of the week is for you. At times, Gene has expressed overwhelming feelings of utter hopelessness about her job and her new collection of Cathy and Dilbert office paraphernalia is a disturbing new trend. A lot of you blog from offices, I know it's a bitch having to deal with mind numbing bullshit, maybe it would help if you give yourself a better title. Also our in house psychiatric team informs us that extroverts don't get as tired at work as introverts. Just a factoid to chew on, the spitoon is on the 2nd floor next to the collator.

# posted by Corny @ 9:02 AM
Comments:
The middle cubical, is that where Andy Warhol works?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 9:37 AM
 
Yup, thats right stacy, most people think Warhole is dead but he's actually been working in the sales department since 1987
# posted by Blogger Corny : 9:56 AM
 
thank you corny. i am renaming my position "human paradigm analyst" because this is what occupies the 85% of my brain that is free to roan as I sit here undeveloping my hindquarters day after day. really, they should just pump xanax through the air conditioning.
# posted by Blogger fairy butler : 10:21 AM
 
i am going to start pooping at my desk.
# posted by Blogger fairy butler : 10:23 AM
 
I poop at my desk at my home office, the squishyness makes sitting for hours much more comfy.
# posted by Blogger Corny : 10:47 AM
 
I have been promoted to "Cookie Coordinator and Disseminator"
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 10:47 AM
 
My new title: Human Infrastructure ANALyist

Now spread em!
# posted by Blogger Corny : 10:54 AM
 
CC and D thats heady stuff, I couldn't handle that job at'll. I'd be the Cookie Intergration Facilitator
# posted by Blogger Corny : 10:56 AM
 
Wait, make that;
Internal Intergration Facilitator for Cookies.
# posted by Blogger Corny : 10:58 AM
 
Corns, we need an Anal Cookie Facilitator, internally of course. Good pay, butt a lot of undertime.

I will never paint again with this new position.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:00 AM
 
technology could never replace workers! Anal cookies with chocolate chunks; Every department will be expected to generate large batches. Poor productivity will be punished severly
# posted by Blogger Corny : 11:08 AM
 
Fb we're expecting large-scale volume output from you!
# posted by Blogger Corny : 11:09 AM
 
Well I have two things going for me:

1. my anus is daisy shaped
2. i enjoy eating peanuts
# posted by Blogger fairy butler : 11:19 AM
 
My anus is dullsvill, no daisies, but modern science has a solution for everything.
# posted by Blogger Corny : 11:30 AM
 
Here is what The Man wants me to work on in Photoshop today:

1. turning a pair of kidneys into a life vest

2. an apple sliced in half: instead of seeds, a pair of quivery, shiny kidneys!

3. Kidney-shaped parking meter

I am not joking.
# posted by Blogger sloth : 11:39 AM
 
wow sloth - kidneys are close to anii. i hope you will post the kidney apple and parking meter. i am working on a medical article about atrial fibrillation ablation (when not blogging). don't be jealous!
# posted by Blogger fairy butler : 11:43 AM
 
That is truely disturbing Sloths. The kidney parking meter is NOT OK. whatabout a kidney on a lollypop stick (be sweet to you organs and your organs will be sweet to you)? I know, I'm like the modern day Rob Petrie of advertising.
# posted by Blogger Corny : 11:46 AM
 
kidneys and atrial fib. are my bread and butter! ablation works for Atrial Flutter, not fib, BTW.

Working from home sounds like a dream come true. but on the other hand, would probably be my ticket to inpatient psych after about two weeks of non-structured time. Psych patients tend to talk a lot about their feces and anuses.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:53 AM
 
ruh roh.
# posted by Blogger fairy butler : 12:07 PM
 
I want a kidney life vest!! It seems good to be wearing a spare set at all times.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:08 PM
 
Thanks for the correction on ablation anon. just take a seat in the corner facing the wall. the boss will be with you shortly.

Fb you'll have to start over.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:09 PM
 
http://www.healthyminds.org
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:10 PM
 
Shite! I just found a bloody half-kidney in my apple!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:12 PM
 
(Thought process while chained to desk):

Blink. Gotta remember to blink.

Blink.

Blink.

etc.
# posted by Blogger sloth : 12:14 PM
 
Anon, you must be the doctor who posts here anonymously on occation. Can you please call yourself something when you post? How about

ABCN Staff Surgeon or just
Anal Surgeon
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:14 PM
 
Sloths blinking is really good, I'd hate to see your eyes dry up like little brown raisins. would be a real shame
# posted by Blogger Corny : 12:17 PM
 
Lets all go out tonight an celebrate Mental Health Month (which is right now, May!) ok? we can get TRASHED and act like inpatients!

Just an idea.
# posted by Blogger Corny : 12:20 PM
 
I'm not formally trained as an anal surgeon. (I try not to mix my personal and professional interests.) But I'm happy to give my opinion on anus or genitalia-related matters in my off-time:

grampositiverods@yahoo.com

no generally such a perv. just very horny today, unfortunately.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:23 PM
 
wow, i can't even access that site at beige... must be blocked.

Corny, in honor of Mental Health Month, I am huffing straight toluene at my desk.
# posted by Blogger sloth : 12:32 PM
 
Anon, I asked you nicely to take a seat in the corner facing the wall. Don't make me get Thunderpal over here.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:33 PM
 
check out this totally wierd gay(???) anti-anal sex website. they are very much opposed to it. really up in arms. they won't even make xeroxes of their butt using the office copier: www.heroichomosex.org
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:37 PM
 
Sloth, your hot. You may want to don some chap-stick when you huff, it'll protect the lip area from excessive chapping from toluene fumes.
# posted by Blogger Corny : 12:38 PM
 
woah, Is that a spin off of some wacked out white power thing?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:42 PM
 
Speaking of Thunderpal:

http://antiotter.livejournal.com/144625.html

Check out the arms collection on the vanity.

I love this country.
# posted by Blogger sloth : 12:45 PM
 
Beautiful. My vanity is sorely lacking.
# posted by Blogger Corny : 1:13 PM
 
Though i do have an economy sized tub of Nivia with cat hair in it.
# posted by Blogger Corny : 1:15 PM
 
oh, cool. you moisturize your cat, too. I suggest vaseline; keeps the fur-ball problem to a minimum.
# posted by Blogger sloth : 1:35 PM
 
really, because right now we moisturize our carpents with creamy fur-balls... it woks for us.
# posted by Blogger Corny : 3:49 PM
 
If it aint broke dont fix it
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 3:51 PM
 
I'm trying to sit quietly in the corner facing the wall, but the patients don't seem to like it.

If I have to see one more mentally ill patient I'm going to crack. like I don't have enough mentally ill friends to deal with.

no fear, I quit my job today! perhaps I'll become a professional blog commenter. or maybe try to get a job as a tour guide at Mutter. I will maybe start my own blog and leave you all alone. goodbye lovely people, goodbye..
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 4:29 PM
 
Anon don't be so glum. Would you like a name? How about Chico?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 4:36 PM
 
you're nice kelli. I'm so glum. call me dysphoric
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:06 PM
 
Yes, dysphoric, please get a blog we need somewhere to go for medical consultations. Can you get me a Zoloft pen or a Paxil Postit® holder, oh and some opium?
# posted by Blogger Corny : 5:11 PM
 
Did someone mention opium? Please call me at my hotline when/if it becomes available.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:31 PM
 
you know I'm against the systemic pharmacuetical bribery of physicians. we send all those evil trinkets to Cambodia, where they need not paxil, cause they're worried more about malaria (and erosion at Angkor Wat).

www.nofreelunch.org-- your dad is a member. or maybe it's your brother.

but opium.... yum!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:37 PM
 
Dysphoric you are wealthy in the head.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:40 PM
 
Anon how bout Sarama Vedic Bitch Goddess and Mother of the four-eyed brindled Dogs of Yama. Your mood will be elevated because nobody will mess with you. As Chico they might try to start some stuff.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:42 PM
 
Ok dysphoric is nice. Nobody will mess with that either. That other name is too long.
The drawing on the frottage website was wierder than Tom of Finland on his wierdest day.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:48 PM
 
It's definitely not my dad, he drives the Merik promotion-mobile, his back seat is a waistland of drug company giveaways.

you are an enigma Dysphoric,
are you a friend of the family? I know you right? Did we have brunch together in Park Slope last year? Do you eat one Peppermint Patty a day?
# posted by Blogger Corny : 6:13 PM
 
FROGS!!! god i love it when you hop round these parts. I'm poor in the head but rich in the gluteus maximus region
# posted by Blogger Corny : 6:15 PM
 
i am the LEAD IDENTITY FACILITATOR... i mean, phone operator. Thanks Corny for the dedication!
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