Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Office inspired Sculptures and instalations

pper management would like to dedicate this blog post to Gene Tierney and anyone else who has to be in an office today. The new song of the week is for you. At times, Gene has expressed overwhelming feelings of utter hopelessness about her job and her new collection of Cathy and Dilbert office
paraphernalia is a disturbing new trend. A lot of you blog from offices, I know it's a bitch having to deal with mind numbing bullshit, maybe it would help if you give yourself a better title. Also our in house psychiatric team informs us that extroverts don't get as tired at work as introverts. Just a factoid to chew on, the spitoon is on the 2nd floor next to the collator.

The middle cubical, is that where Andy Warhol works?
Yup, thats right stacy, most people think Warhole is dead but he's actually been working in the sales department since 1987
thank you corny. i am renaming my position "human paradigm analyst" because this is what occupies the 85% of my brain that is free to roan as I sit here undeveloping my hindquarters day after day. really, they should just pump xanax through the air conditioning.
i am going to start pooping at my desk.
I poop at my desk at my home office, the squishyness makes sitting for hours much more comfy.
I have been promoted to "Cookie Coordinator and Disseminator"
My new title: Human Infrastructure ANALyist

Now spread em!
CC and D thats heady stuff, I couldn't handle that job at'll. I'd be the Cookie Intergration Facilitator
Wait, make that;
Internal Intergration Facilitator for Cookies.
Corns, we need an Anal Cookie Facilitator, internally of course. Good pay, butt a lot of undertime.

I will never paint again with this new position.
technology could never replace workers! Anal cookies with chocolate chunks; Every department will be expected to generate large batches. Poor productivity will be punished severly
Fb we're expecting large-scale volume output from you!
Well I have two things going for me:

1. my anus is daisy shaped
2. i enjoy eating peanuts
My anus is dullsvill, no daisies, but modern science has a solution for everything.
Here is what The Man wants me to work on in Photoshop today:

1. turning a pair of kidneys into a life vest

2. an apple sliced in half: instead of seeds, a pair of quivery, shiny kidneys!

3. Kidney-shaped parking meter

I am not joking.
wow sloth - kidneys are close to anii. i hope you will post the kidney apple and parking meter. i am working on a medical article about atrial fibrillation ablation (when not blogging). don't be jealous!
That is truely disturbing Sloths. The kidney parking meter is NOT OK. whatabout a kidney on a lollypop stick (be sweet to you organs and your organs will be sweet to you)? I know, I'm like the modern day Rob Petrie of advertising.
kidneys and atrial fib. are my bread and butter! ablation works for Atrial Flutter, not fib, BTW.

Working from home sounds like a dream come true. but on the other hand, would probably be my ticket to inpatient psych after about two weeks of non-structured time. Psych patients tend to talk a lot about their feces and anuses.
ruh roh.
I want a kidney life vest!! It seems good to be wearing a spare set at all times.
Thanks for the correction on ablation anon. just take a seat in the corner facing the wall. the boss will be with you shortly.

Fb you'll have to start over.
Shite! I just found a bloody half-kidney in my apple!
(Thought process while chained to desk):

Blink. Gotta remember to blink.



Anon, you must be the doctor who posts here anonymously on occation. Can you please call yourself something when you post? How about

ABCN Staff Surgeon or just
Anal Surgeon
Sloths blinking is really good, I'd hate to see your eyes dry up like little brown raisins. would be a real shame
Lets all go out tonight an celebrate Mental Health Month (which is right now, May!) ok? we can get TRASHED and act like inpatients!

Just an idea.
I'm not formally trained as an anal surgeon. (I try not to mix my personal and professional interests.) But I'm happy to give my opinion on anus or genitalia-related matters in my off-time:

no generally such a perv. just very horny today, unfortunately.
wow, i can't even access that site at beige... must be blocked.

Corny, in honor of Mental Health Month, I am huffing straight toluene at my desk.
Anon, I asked you nicely to take a seat in the corner facing the wall. Don't make me get Thunderpal over here.
check out this totally wierd gay(???) anti-anal sex website. they are very much opposed to it. really up in arms. they won't even make xeroxes of their butt using the office copier:
Sloth, your hot. You may want to don some chap-stick when you huff, it'll protect the lip area from excessive chapping from toluene fumes.
woah, Is that a spin off of some wacked out white power thing?
Speaking of Thunderpal:

Check out the arms collection on the vanity.

I love this country.
Beautiful. My vanity is sorely lacking.
Though i do have an economy sized tub of Nivia with cat hair in it.
oh, cool. you moisturize your cat, too. I suggest vaseline; keeps the fur-ball problem to a minimum.
really, because right now we moisturize our carpents with creamy fur-balls... it woks for us.
If it aint broke dont fix it
I'm trying to sit quietly in the corner facing the wall, but the patients don't seem to like it.

If I have to see one more mentally ill patient I'm going to crack. like I don't have enough mentally ill friends to deal with.

no fear, I quit my job today! perhaps I'll become a professional blog commenter. or maybe try to get a job as a tour guide at Mutter. I will maybe start my own blog and leave you all alone. goodbye lovely people, goodbye..
Anon don't be so glum. Would you like a name? How about Chico?
you're nice kelli. I'm so glum. call me dysphoric
Yes, dysphoric, please get a blog we need somewhere to go for medical consultations. Can you get me a Zoloft pen or a Paxil Postit® holder, oh and some opium?
Did someone mention opium? Please call me at my hotline when/if it becomes available.
you know I'm against the systemic pharmacuetical bribery of physicians. we send all those evil trinkets to Cambodia, where they need not paxil, cause they're worried more about malaria (and erosion at Angkor Wat). your dad is a member. or maybe it's your brother.

but opium.... yum!
Dysphoric you are wealthy in the head.
Anon how bout Sarama Vedic Bitch Goddess and Mother of the four-eyed brindled Dogs of Yama. Your mood will be elevated because nobody will mess with you. As Chico they might try to start some stuff.
Ok dysphoric is nice. Nobody will mess with that either. That other name is too long.
The drawing on the frottage website was wierder than Tom of Finland on his wierdest day.
It's definitely not my dad, he drives the Merik promotion-mobile, his back seat is a waistland of drug company giveaways.

you are an enigma Dysphoric,
are you a friend of the family? I know you right? Did we have brunch together in Park Slope last year? Do you eat one Peppermint Patty a day?
FROGS!!! god i love it when you hop round these parts. I'm poor in the head but rich in the gluteus maximus region
Great blog. Reaffirmed my hope for intelligent life.
i am the LEAD IDENTITY FACILITATOR... i mean, phone operator. Thanks Corny for the dedication!
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