Sunday, December 31, 2006

 
Happy New Year everybody, I hope this one is better than all the others. I am vowing to sit up straighter, floss more (I know thats a popular one so I'm thinking I will get alot of support from my friends on this which might make it EZier) and take up face yoga. PS, Love this Capt'n! Also CONGRATUFUCKENLAIONS to A.L. Steiner's unbefuckenlievable review by Roberta Smith in Fridays NYTimes!!! I'll reprint it here shortly! Love you Steiner.

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I understand all of 2006 to be a happening/fluxus/dada year for me, but its usually the other way around, no? I am used to doing the mailings, etc. I guess I orchestrated this...
2007 DIET, PUSH-UPS, JOB!, DRAWING,
SCHOOL! yahOO!!
 
I vow to do 20,000 pushups and 60,000 pulsing sit-ups in 2007, it's going to be a busy year but I'm with you anon!
Staring tomorrow of course.
 
Handstand on the surfboard on '07, fuck yeah dudes!!!
 
Plus, I vow to be a good person and get my shit together, too.
 
I'ma sit and meditate, do tons of cool projeks, and attract hella money my way, I don't know about you. Oh, and floss more too, I'm with you on that.
 
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Why am I awake b4 9 AM on new years day? How sad is that? Ok, this hijacking of the penalty box is now officially over.
 
Hi Capt'n! Happy new year! Yes to hand stands, but I'd also like to see you standing casually on your board chatting on a cell phone while nimbly yet indifferently shredding a wave. I'm with you on the cool projeks, yes!
 
I just read the Smith review of Steiner's show, sounds great.
They do seem really sexy and not in the usual come-on sorta way, just sort of sexy and thats it. The word "equality" really resonates for me. BRAVO.
 
Happy New Year Corny! I am thinking of you in my hungover and over-stuffed state. My resolutions include:

1. start smoking
2. gain more weight

It's a challenge I know but I feel I am up to it.

PS - CONGRATS TO A.L. STEINER!!!!!!!!!! I thought the review was most excellent.
 
Coupla issues: 1. Steiner, that was awesome to the max. Have already written rough draft of small broadside which I know you will publish and distribute to press and art world before I've even had time to punctuate but that's cool.

2. Oh, Pamina, I'm sorry, you're so right (re: your post about chainsaw in singing picnic table thread). I am so dense, and you are a Being of Comedic Light. I personally vibrate at the speed of a freshly installed brick wall at The Komedy Klub. Which is not conducive to hilarity such as yours, which moves faster than the speed of light (science shows it's possible, due to they studied you), and creates vermholes of commedie plaisir for the rest of us to slide through like at waterpark for witty sprites and fairies. Why do I continue to type? Must deal with clients in a couple of hours and have come up with following lesson plan: "Move that arrow thing up to where it says FILE and then hurtle your monitor to the floor while I read Dwight D. Eiesenhower's 1961 speech on the dangers of the military-industrial complex. But first let's go on our break. Then take lunch. Check your email and answer every single one. Say! There's lots of good bargains on line right now. Let's learn to search for them on Google! Wanna see some cool shit on some blogs? I don't know this 'Corny' or 'Cap'n' but they look interesting, no? Does everyone know what a 'blog' is? Let's make one on these computers that don't work, especially now that the monitors are smashed and flaming on the floor. Hey class, remember how fun it was when we learned that 'sub-tle' doesn't mean subtotal or sublet (close)? All your other teachers were drunk in class every day, right? Look, just lie and say you have your fucken GED. No one ever checks. I don't believe in work, anyway. Let's work on our psychic powers instead and then write cool poems with pictures in them."

Corn, I am again raping your blog, even after the Anger Management Intensive. Great tie and jacket night before last. You a good lookin woman.

12:11 PM
 
Also my resolution, which is the same as last year, is to do an Art Project/Science Experiment a day for the entire year. Can be as simple as mailing postcard to friend with cunning sticker attached. Or setting Kierkegaard to tune by ELO!

It went well last year on that one day I sent a postcard, so I'm fired up to continue!
 
Also check this out: Last night I saw A. of trial balloon daze and she said one of her salient memories of me was a discussion wherein I told her that whenever I drank my big toe went numb, and she was blown out the water because HER BIG TOE WENT NUMB TOO when drunk, and it wasn't the gout. So I said to myself, "SeaMonkee69, wouldn't it be interesting to have friends jot down snippets of conversation they remember from o'er the years, compile them, arrange somehow into whatever form, perhaps a My Dinner With Andre type of thing, then self-publish as enormous Art Project in Cologne, where it will be considered a masterpiece and make us all a lot of money? Plus on ebay, with different cover? Noms de plum all around of course."

Dear Diary: Am I crazy? Is it bad to rape corny's blog several times a day? And if so, why? Dear Diary: What is your fucking problem? Why are you so judgmental to SeaMonkee69, who simply lives to love and laugh?

Dear Diary: I miss Mountain Man. Is there some way I can make it easier for her to start smoking?
 
Also, there's a pranayama breathing class on Friday nights with some advanced yogi cat from the astral plane called "Pranayama to develop your psychic powers."

How amongst you dares not go with me.
 
WHO amongst you. Sorry.
 
I miss you too Seamonkee and applaud your raping of Corny's blog. Keep it up.

Yes please help me start smoking. One way I can think of is to start mythic famed writing workshop??? If you start it I will become cancerous post-haste. Is this considered pressure?
 
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A little hint: don't put no pressure on tender seamonkey or you will not hear from her again for another 1-4 months. Just saying.
 
My area51 is on fire from repeated rapes, (if this is the result of Anger Managment I'm thinking more rebilitation, STAT!) but PLEASE don't stop because if you do, it'll be like all the thousands of times in my so stalled life that the pain begins when the pleasure ends. Seamonkee, I like walking down the glistening sidewalks of Clinton Hill next to you on New Years, a couple of G-men in our Prada/Helmut Lange suites, you with the arm candy and me with the bent head stuffed full of doomed resolutions, though I DID floss 2 days in a row and this morning visited my savior Susan Lin herbalist to the stars in Chinatown and started new treatment for fucken tennitus and hands that are literally pealing away. Apparently I have week kidneys.
But enough about me, YOU my darling monkee are the best droog a brother could ever want, I'm with you on the friday night breathing class, I won't ever say no to interstellar travel.
 
As someone who more or less lives to hear from seamonkey, as well as yourself, my clod-like attempts at humor and charm often go terribly wrong.
 
Hi Buttinski, I'd like you to meet Buttoutski!
 
sorry, you sound like a brother, I have this clod problem too. It's a curse, I'm thinking of having my sense of humor sergikally removed
 
At least you have one to begin with. Unlike some of us.
 
but back to that syllabus of yours Dr.Seamonkee< can I borrow from that? Especially the part where you read Eiesensombody's speech on the dangers of the military-industrial complex. English is not my second language but I speak and write like it is so could I take your class?
 
Buttinski, I suspect your humor is like the cave in The Descent, deep, dangerous and bloody. Did I mention that The Descent is the single most hilarious movie about 6 Lesbians in a giant angry vagina... ?
 
Whose angry vagina are they in?
 
PS, Buttinski I should know better. Thank you. Pressure is no fun for anyone even if ill health is the goal.
 
MM, I think what Corny is saying is that I am the angry vagina, and he's right.
Anyway, it didn't sound like pressure to me.
 
Buttinski you sound elaborate. If you are the angry vagina can I be the treacherous one?
 
Go ahead, make my day.
 
I like where this is going
 
Happy New Year all you rapists and rapees (not to be confused with rabe as in the Italian vegetable.)
I too am determined to floss every day Corns. If it doesn't work, I'm just gonna knock all my teeth out and get dentures.
 
hmmm, observer, is that really you??
 
I am catching a lot of flap here.
 
I'd like to be the rope (i.e.tampon string) that you hang on for dear life mm while spelunking into Buttinskis angry cavern. Did I mention that the soundtrack to The Descent is interchangable with most porn flicks.
 
Hi peeds happy NY! Flossing is such a suck-ass activity, but I guess if the great goddess didn't want us too we would have been born with one long gap-free semi-circular tooth on the top of mouth and one on the bottom.
 
Hey, can I help it if I'm the star of every porn flick?
 
if you see where I'm going....
 
Corns, that is such a better option...the uni-tooth. I must get into the laboratory and make it happen.
 
I heart flaps
 
Vaginal flaps?
 
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Me miss you guys and the vagina dentata of the universe.
 
Me too.
 
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i mean, does every crumb from roberta's kitchen have us lapping up the floor? cmon, arthos, let's have some self respect.
 
Buttinski, I have neglected you horribly and for this I apologize, especially since I live to hear from you too, without even knowing who you are, though of course I long ago let go of the need to fixate on the outmoded notion of a stable "self" or "identity", even with The Other. I love you.
 
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