A Blog Called Nowhere

Oh you beautiful mold spore wrapped in a womans hide YES, you called it. Scotty Smith may be a top drawer stalker but the prose knows not what from. The book heads south when attempts are made to analyze your childhood preoccupation with gravel.
 

hi corns. i am loving your studio pics. it really makes me feel like dancing and wearing satin and twittering. i'm gonna check out 'the keep' spanks for that. 'the double' is by the same author that wrote 'blind' right? I cannot express how much i hated that book. i will never forgive jose saramago for it. ever.
 

pd's blog is going haywire. i'm getting the shakes.
 

I'm having THE WORST morning, I was all set to leave for the studio 2 hours ago but then couldn't find my car keys, one hour freek out tearing apart house looking for them, another hour on the horn trying to get roadside assistance to tow car to ford dealership where it would take a week to get new key made and cost 300 bucks. I just found the STUPID key but now am exhausted.
 

I liked Blindness, it's description of social catastrophe is macabre but kinda increadable. He won the Nobel Prize for that book. I totally understand how you might hate it, it's upsetting but the allegorical aspect of "Blindness".
 

I mean I liked the allegorical aspect...
 

corny. that's awful!!! did they take the car away or not - now that you found the key. ugh.

i know, lots of people liked blindness. i dunno, i just couldn't deal with it somehow. it was all poop smearing and fucking and eating live animals - wandering the streets like zombies in search of canned peas and it just totally got on my nerves. i had to read it for bookclub or i probably wouldn't have finished it. sorry, it gets my blood heated up.
 

Okay, I cannot tell you how happy I am that you hated Blindness, FB! I hated it too! I will never read that guy's work again. And he had the nerve to write SEEING--Ugh!
 

peeds, really? he wrote a book called seeing? no. no. no.
 

corny, go to:

www.wherethefuckaremykeys.com

they are probably in the freezer.
 

oh wait. i see you found the key. i was kidding about the link, but wouldn't that be cool if the internet could help find stuff in your house?

anyway, sorry for your rotten morning, corns. total bummer.
 

The Double was a drag. I couldn't finish it. I liked Blindness though. Don't shame me.
If there were vampires in Blindness it would be better.
 

Yes, FB, SEEING! For reals. Hi Hams.
Dubz, I am always losing keys and my metrocard. Maybe that link will help?
 

Sir, I wish to express my deepest sympathy for your keys debacle. I feel your pain as I recently spent a hefty chunk of time not finding my new PIN for my new bank card that I had apparently not memorized. You know, the new card & new PIN my bank gave me w/out asking me (after voiding my old ones,) the card that I will be utterly dependant on when I leave the country in 2 days, the card the bank would not be able to replace until 5-7 business days. Yesterday I was at the bank, where the person on the phone told me to go to get a new PIN assigned to my card. But the bank told me they couldn't give me a new PIN without first having the old one, unless I could wait 5-7 business days till they mailed me one. They couldn't do it in person, even though I esplained how I couldn't find it & had to leave town.
Anyway, I went home and found the fucking thing, 3 heart attacks later.
This concludes today's boring overshare.
 

Rules for forgetty people (like myself):

• staple keys to body
• tattoo all PINs on ass (backwards off course, so you can read them in a mirror)
• eyeglasses

This concludes today's bulleted list.
 

Jennifer Egan has been featured in many of the publishing mags we've gotten here at beige recently. All praise.
 

But she's sound a little gimmicky.
 

Sloths that link is INCREDABELA (thats frenchish for Woah!)
•I like bullets
•I will use them more often
•You are an inspiration, really and truely
•I am buzzed on margaritas
•From testing recipies out for wednesday night
•Drinks feel stronger when you are home alone in the late afternoon
 

•wow corny that's cool
•that you're buzzed
•let's all get snockered tomorrow
•hooray!
 

Did anyone read any other Jennifer Egan books? I'm interested in "look at Me" about a top model who gets in an accident and ends up with a face full of pins, she looks ok on the surface but it's all fake and she's readjusting to life with her new fake face or something...
 

I lov typoes!
Let's get, uh, tipsy.
 

•I'm just going to stay drunk till then
•Wake me up when you get here
 

That is her most famous one...shortlisted for the National Book Award. Did not read it.
 

Peeds, I am a typho commando!
 

pd's yer right about the gimmicky part but you just kinda go with it like a little tadpole in a river of margaritas
 

But I am reading lots of books of letters--geek that I am. I am reading the Letters of Katharine Mansfield--just started. I think writers really know how to put artistic self-doubt into words and really relied on that form to work through things. Now, for contemporary writers, we may get books entitled "The Collected Emails of Jonathan Franzen"

Anyway, I hide my books in the hall leading to the bathroom at beige and go there to read throughout the day, so nobody catches me not reading a book by our authors...
 

Egan is interesting because she apparently likes to write about our obsession appearances and image. She is very attractive, but looks like she needs a sandwich. Anyway, Look at Me does sound pretty good.
 

I think the books might have titles like "The Collected Blog Comments of Scott Smith". Letters are a good form to work out ideas and feelings, painters just complain to eachother and have other pre-verbal forms to express this self-doubt, like punching eachother in the asses.
 

Katharine Mansfield, don't know who she is. I know who Jayne mansfield is.
 

I wonder if jayne mansfield knew how to write?

This from JM's Biography-

"Once, Jayne's Sunday school teacher told the children that God was always with them. That night, Jayne fell out of bed several times "making room for God."
 

I have scars from my painter friends all over my body. A very good form of expressing doubt. Katharine Mansfield was a really good short story master--from a ways back. Not as hot as Jane.
 

...but smarter then a doorknob
 

I'm not making sense am I. I better go be drunkish off-line.
 

i am going now to grab a drink meself. you inspired me.
 

Dear Drunk Girl,

I just spake with the Man of the Mountain and his trusty side-kick, who are at this moment packing up their rucksax for the big trip tomorry, in order to be in attendance at the capt'n's shin-dig. It is a roast, correct? That's what I told 'em, heh heh.
 

corny corny! if you're not still drunk i have a sooper dooper idea to run by you. a triathalon of sorts. drinking and eating interspersed with disorganized sporting events. sort of like the special olympics! it could all take place in Le Jardin des Mounds.
 

Hungover at 10:00pm.

Thanks for the report sloths, I'm glad you brought up the roasting, that way no one will be shocked and go running when they see the large rotisserie I've set up.
Dubz, the Really Special Olympics is a grand idea! I'd like to be your partner in the wheelbarrow/methyl alcohol shooters race. I call wheeler, that makes you the barrow part.
 

Oh duh, Roast as in ROAST. Sloths I'm a Really Special Olympics athlete, I can't be expected to understand your sophisticated asides. My inner monologue sounds like this
 

I hear it might rain in which case we'll be inside... We can have a massive game of Celebrity or "Drink or Dare"
 

Nope, no rain. We can set up an equestrian track in your garden. Let the sped games begin!

^---(weather link = slothy's true depth of geekiness)
 

i hope there will be
prizes...
 

Corny, can this be one of the games? Oh please say yes.
 

sloth,

i love you.

grandmaster b of the blood arm
 

I have just one question:
can anybody be as excited as I am?
Answer: NO

Now: back to packing
 

grandmaster b of the blood arm!

I hurl Love at your sexy prepubescent torso.
 

I fancy that tennis ball piggy bank so will be showing little to no mercy at competition pit sniff (sloths, are you mocking the fact that I'm th spawn of truffle pigs?), the more tang the better is my motto
 

Morning sunshines. Less than 10 hours from now....
 

I know, pd, I know. I started crossing off each hour on my watch with a sharpie, but it's... um... well, I ran into a problem.
 

Love you back x 50, grandmaster b.
 

i am in the real a wee bit hungover this morn. i am pathetic. anyway, looking forward to later skaters. also, i read "look at me" about the model and the face. It was kind of good.
 

Do you mean my Donkey is made out of marijuana? Is it an old english saying, like "beat around the bush"? It sounds familiar...
 

I will win for the smelliest pits! Get ready to snifffffff.
 

Hi FB!
I just read an interview with Pete Doherty's mum who said she's "only been “squiffy” three times in her life".
I'm smashing limes by the donkey load today so we can get squiffy in margaritaville tonight.
 

back later, I've got business to attend to.
 

THANK YOU CORNY!!
 

YES thank you so much corny!!! we had a supah time. tons of love from dubzy...
 

wunderbar... thank you thank you Corns & Mrs. Cub!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

i concur --- muchas gracias -- so nice of to host such a great party, to see and meet everyone!
 

thank you corny for so much fun. You're the best!
 

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