A Blog Called Nowhere

GJ is the fiercest. I tried to get her to guest lecture at SVA, but she was busy training...
 

corny, that grace jones vid is THE BEST. Do you think I could get her to punch me? I would like to climb her leg like a rock wall. Then I would like her to chew me up like skittles. These feelings, they are confusing. But also... strangely exciting.

Will you post your Ridykeulous letter? ("Man Show" indeed. isn't the whole fucking world the man show? really, enough is enough...)
 

yep

me too- i vant to see this letter of protest from Redykulus!
 

Corn I thought your letter was hysterical. Well done, esp. the blood part. How is your brain?
 

Yeah Corny, show us the letter.
Grace Jones--where is he now? Training for what? She really helped me get through the 80's.
 

Hi MM! Hi Sloths! Hi MB, Hi Leatherette,
Ok, I'm on it. I didn't make a copy of the letter but I'll ask them to send me a copy of it or something.
MM. My brain is slowly congealing like a bowl of lime Jello. Desire to sling mud is returning.
 

Hiya Capt'n. Hey Corns I am feeling myself returning to the swamp of snazzy dashes, mud slinging is part of my desire as well. I am starting today, I am boiling buckets of blood and mud to hurl at my enemies who are nowhere to be found. Pussies.
 

Lime Jello is good for the panty region, just saying.
 

Wheres Grace Now?

I looked for a current picture of her and found a horrifing one from a fashion show last year, her head looked weird and she was wearing a cape and leather bodice.
I read she got into some kind of drug trouble with the police but not clear what.
 

Oh mm you know everything! the lime jello is good down there? Where are my rubber undies?
 

My rubber g-string that is.
 

I would like to see this picture of Grace. Weird heads warped from drug abuse are fun.
 

Don't get mad Corny but I stole your rubber G-String. It is part of my shrine to you that I am assembling in the woods. There is a candelabra there and bird sounds.
 

I'm starting today too. I wnt to go throw the mud but am torn about how to approach this SITUATION. Do I simply go sling or work on having an IDEA, a grand scheme if you will?
What's your approach?
 

I'm reviewing drawings/notebooks/scraps of paper and other debris from this past year looking for clues
 

I'm going to Skowhegan this weekend, maybe I can steal some ideas from someone young, inspired and unsuspecting.
 

Well obviously the first part of my approach is to sit in my pj's and blog via dial-up. I want to pay dearly for each minute I waste. Then I have a pile of books I am going to look at and make some notes about what is exciting to me. In order to pave the way into mental derangement, a state that is necessary to initiate mud slinging. Then later I will go to studio and begin the frightening process of starting some new paintings. Overshare. Such is my plan. What is your plan?
 

Yeah if you see good stuff in a young nubile artists' studio definitely push them down and take their shit. Ether works as a memory eraser potion doesn't it? Take Corny. Take. Skowhegan sounds like fun?
 

It's reported to be something of an orgy with occational crits. I'm looking forward to attending a weekend session at Camp RunAmok on the 21st..
 

I think I will mindlessly and aimlessly sling mud today. I'm afraid to open books and attempt to think.
a) fear of nothingness
b) too overwhelmning
c) no good seating in studio
d) need new books
 

Fear of nothingness. I am in possession of this. I have been sitting in bed reading a Danish dictionary of sexuality from 1962. No pictures, just bad illustrations, gnarly translation. Must post some quotes. Good luck in the shack today Corns.
 

Speaking of mud, we made plans for the bard thing today, but our ride fell through. Considered traveling via Rollerblades, but can't find knee pads.
 

mb, Too bad about the bard thing, a roll in some cool mud would be refreshing right about now.


MM, I'll bring my recorder when I come and we'll set the Danish dictionary of sexuality to music.
 

3 hours working in the shack feels heroic and exhausting. I made a watercolor drawing called "return to witch mountain" or fountain?
It's a start.
 

Dearest Corny and MM:
I just got home from the greatest fuckin day of surfing in about a week and a half, and I really enjoyed reading your shares about exactly how ya'll were thinking of hitting it. Just saying.
 

capt'n i'm jealous. i needs the beach. outer banks in august! do i need to buy a longboard? should i?
 

dubz, I wish we could surf together some time. Are the outer banks like near cape hatteras? I forget. I hear it's good down there. But I don't know whether it's long or shortboard-friendly. Maybe both? Are you saying you're a shortboarder?
Anyway, yes, I say you do need to buy a longboard, IMEDIATELY. I am biased towards them, it's true, but dubz, how could you live without that glide? I'm just asking.
Besides, wouldn't you need one in the smaller NY surf? I don't know. Just get one, I command you!
In the meantime, if you're ever in SoCal, Team Shredder will always find an extra board for you.
 

Btw, dubz, how were the Poconos?
 

thanks for the encouragement capt'n!!... i had a 7'0" but i think i'm ready for a longboard. it's better all around... since i'm just into having fun. i'm no shredder. and i'm a fraidey cat when the waves get big. the outer banks are all along the coast of NC, hatteras included. it's the best surf on the east coast. i just can't get in the water up here... it's too damn cold... plus they make you pay to step on the sand in jersey and i have a fundamental problem with that. SO... outer banks.

the poconos were all mountainy.
 

Hi capt'n. Hi Dubz. We just came from the fireworks show. They had some new ones that exploded into the shape of cubes (?)

Capt'n I'm thinking were gunna come visit your area (yes, i said it, YOUR AREA!) in October. This was the conversation we had earlier tonight.
I can't wait for my surf lesson. I should wear a helmet or something, I have a feeling it's going to be ugly.
 

Dubz a longboard would look shit hot on top of the camper van. Red with a white stripe is what I'm saying.
 

oooooo I want to try too!! I will come along with several helmets and all manner of pads and watch you 2 badass surfer chicks. Corny I am willing to share my reinforcement protection gear. I am willing to be horrendous.
 

i couldn't bring myself to venture out for the real fireworks. the cut-rate version is still going off in JC. no cubes, just the regular whistler kind. doggie no like.

i'm a sucky surfer, especially since i haven't been out in a loooong time. it's fun to swallow lots of water and think you're gonna drown. oh! and getting dragged along the bottom and pounded in the head by your own board is neat. these are all things i've done.
 

corny, red and white is my favorite. maybe i should get a matching mini cooper?
 

No fireworks here in PA either. Just frogs. I bet you look cute getting dragged along the bottom Dubz. With a little stream of blood coming out of your mouth and maybe some bruises. Sorry, I am into the beat up look.
 

if you want mm you can smack me (in the pooper) (if you want).
 

Mini cooper or a smart car. Hey can i smack you too? MM I call the face!
 

dubz, have you ever been hog-tied by your leash and then bitch-slapped by your board, perchance? Just asking off the top of my head. These things have happened to me.
 

fyi: getting bitch-slapped by a bigger board is that much more exciting. Just if you were wondering.
 

check it out sometime. In fact, I demand that you all check it out sometime, here at the home break of Team Shredder. Bring it, Norf*ckineasters. I can't wait for the day. And I mean that.
 

oh yeah, capt'n. i've been hog-tied and bitch-slapped underwater by a really big board. this is the near drowning part i was referring to earlier. very entertaining.
 

Grace Jones! She knocks me out every time.

Hi corns and co. I wanna surf on an extra long beard.
 

me too! Ok this is what's happening. I need to go out in the rain to get a cup of coffee. Though we have every kitchen gadget known to mankind, I'm still in denile about being a coffee drinker and refuse to commit to owning a Mr.Coffee.
 

Go to Fortunato Bros. I only have an espresso pot now...I am no longer in denial about needing the strong stuff.
 

Fortunato bros, yeah, thanks for the heads up about that place, it rocks.
 

When I lived near there, oh wait, I actually lived there. Canoli for my pillows.
 

dirty canoli pillows, peeds? sticky fun. I am drinking the strong stuff as we type. very much needs this soggy a.m.
 

Dubz, all I want to do is smack you in the pooper. Hey PD if you want an XXXXXL beard to ride on climb on mine. It is lousy with jelly beans. Yum, right? I am drinking the not strong enough stuff. There are bites all over me and my eyes have a new formation of puff n stuff which is not so cute. But whatever you guys can't see me and that's what I LOVE about blogging.
 

mmmm puff n' stuff, tantalizing! I'm up for a beard ride is there room for one more?

MM. I wish I your pet donkey and I could live in your garden and assist you in rustic ways
 

i want a beard ride too. this rain sux so bad i think i'm going to have to smack everyone real hard in the poop shoot.
 

Corn I wish that too. You have an open invitation to come live in my beard or the lettuce patch whatever is your wont. PS about my donkey: my donkey was recently convicted of rape in spite of him being a virtuous and good donkey up until that point.
 

Everyone will tangle into the murky beard strands in 2 weeks time. Maybe sooner, I can't tell. I miss you all with pains.
 

So that was YOUR donkey that did the raperape on me. Figures.
 

meet me by the rape shack for surprise attacks. i'm bringing the clams and the pooper attachment. mm, bring your donkey. corny, you come alone.
 

mm, I would like a moment alone with your donkey in the doghouse. Then I will join the puddle party in your sticky beard.
 

okay dubz, I will smuggle them in the donkey for extra stinx. Double the pleasure, double the fun.
 

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