Monday, May 15, 2006

 
*Today is the last day at the Upstate Sanatorium*
The patients have worn
the nursing staff down, our efforts were not sufficient to deal with many of the problems one encounters at an institution for the crimianlly insane and higher learning. For instance, last night we got a call from Inmate X, shall we call her Sybil? Sybil wanted a two day extention on a final project that we gave out two weeks ago. She hasn't started the project yet so we're wondering why she didn't ask for a two week extention since thats how long we expected final project to take. Her excuse: "I have never had to deal with being organized before," and was having a hard time keeping up with all the work. Not that we need them, but in other words, Sybil didn't work very much and fell behind. We are soft hearted scientists but this particular patient has missed too many electroshock therepy sessions to be granted special favors. The nursing staff dislikes an inmate who makes you feel like a shit-bitch when they fuck up. Anyhow its all over for now. On to better things...

Comments:
Poor baby. She is organizationally impaired! It is an affliction that is sweeping art schools across the land. Studies show that shoving cocktail umbrellas up the nose and twisting until the patient can't take it anymore usually is the first step to a cure.

I want these drinks now.
 
Hi PD, these drinks scare me, they seem oversize to small Frogs. I am worried I may be rounded up with the failers and pushed into treatments I may not need. WIll you explain to me how this works? Where is the line?
 
What if I can't find the bar in the line, will the drinks ambulate over to me on their own? Am I in a hallway?
 
FROGS! How we've missed you. These drinks are ambulatory, yes. They will appear when the torturous moment arises. In absence of cocktail umbrellas, you may use REAL ones.
 
I would like to use the real umbrellas, no offense to drink umbrellas intended.
 
Golf umbrellas are good for those extra difficult patients.
 
Consider me a patient for the next few moments. Why do I need an umbrella in me exactly? Is it like the bellows?
 
yes frogs, bellows for fluffing your little froggy flame. Didn't you always say you wanted to be an inflatable frog?
 
Oh corn, you've told the world My Story. I'm the shame-magnet otherwise known as Sybil. But the good news is Tequila Sunrises are available to anyone who has $10.50 burning a hole in their pockets. Girly drinks + dirty looks = magikal guitar hooks. Believe it.
Nice 2-D throw down on saturday, by the way. Just when I thought I was right on the bar's ass I then realized that the bar was actually like, 6 laps ahead of me and it only appeared that I was near it...
 
BB, depth perception diminishes with Tequila Sunrise levels in the bloodstream (sin2x + cos2x = TS, sin x = cos(π/2 − x = slapstick wipeout).

Corny, regarding Sybil: this is undoubtedly a Way of Life for her -- note the bloody and shredded knees. Compose your regal face into a placid mask and say "you are dead to me."
 
Oh, that is so Tony Soprano, Sloth.
 
Oh you guys I love you so much, I'm having a minute of down time inbetween my rounds. Normally the patients are bonkers on the last day of lock down but the rain has subdued us all and the cavernous victorian hallways of the institution are serene. Ffrogs there is a drink that looks like an Appletini but thats actually 90 proof swamp water with lilly pad garnish just for you. Frogs i want to tear your legs off and eat them, in a good way.
 
Bars! I dance on you Coyote ugly style in my real life fat suit, I lowered you to make for a fun limbo game.
 
sorry, that was suposed to be a command. Bars, I lower you!
 
I am crawling under the bars. Please pour swamp water on my head.
 
YAY! No more selfish little takers!
I guess this frees you up to come to the Trash Heap of Cali and play splash splash with Team Shredder. You gotta at least dip your toes in the Pacific if you are to be an Honorary Member, sir. I'm just saying. You can bring the Norf*ckineasters and we can cross-polinate our surfing non-techniques. No pressure.
 
We are unencumbered by technique, nor do we really believe in competition, nor can any of us barely manage to pick up the phone or get out of the house for social purposes, so there is no pressure on any level.
 
But Gree C. and Gaylord are coming....
 
I am willing to represent the Norf*ckingeasters. Will the doggy-paddle suffice? I can do that and I can wax the boards. Is that enough?
 
Oh pd, that is way more than enuf! That would be a dream come true. Plus you can tend the beer cooler and be in charge of angling the beach umbrella correctly. If you want. No pressure.
 
Oh Cap'n, my Cap'n, I'll take it. I don't mind umbrella duty. I will be a student of the surf, an intern, if you will. I will do this for the betterment of the Norf*ckingeasters. And, of course, I get to hang with the Team.
 
pd, I am certain that Team Shredder has much to learn from the Norf*ckineasters as well. Let's think of this as a cultural exchange, sort of like the Peace Corps, but much more righteous.
 
And I was only joking about umbrella duty. You'll be too busy in the waves, yes?
 
I was joking about umbrella duty too!! ha ha. I just wanna make castles in the sand. I must admit I fear the waves...on a board. So I guess I will be kicked outta the Norf*ckingeasters.
 
No way, man! We're scared shitless all the time! That's the name o'the game, pd. When we're safe at home we love to talk tough like a couple of blowhards, but when we're out in the waves it's a whole different story.
 
Let me clarify. Did I say that I have a fear of the waves, on a board, while in my bathing suit? Please see Corny's post of last week RE: braids.
 
Braids? Hmm....I'm lost. And now, sadly, I have to sign off for a while. The cable guy is coming, and i gotta clear a path between the piles and tumbleweeds for him to install our new ether hookup. That's right, no more ridic. cafe sessions! Unlimited overshares from Team Shredder will soon be annoying the etherwaves. Unless something goes wrong, and the cable situation doesn't work, like last week.....but I'll stay positive.
Anyway, catch ya later, peedee. And in the meantime, visualize yourself in the barrel.
 
Dear Corny,
As the administrator of the Gaylord, I understand your difficulties with patients. It sounds a bit more like the walk in centers where I donate my time. When I brought a group of patients to your recent cultural event, I feel they received some very important benefits of real life immersion, so thank you for that healthy experience.
With Warmest Regards,
G. Lord
Medical Director
The Gaylord Rehabilitation Center
 
and to Capt'n and pd, i am also afraid of the Pacific ocean waves, so surfing will be a challenge. we want a tutorial here in the norf*kineast. what about the sw? no go for you and the dick blue? gree c. said something like that, man. sniff.
 
Gaylord,
I don't know, we're a little busted from all our recent travels. But maybe....
wait, aren't you swinging thru here on your way up north?
I bet we can heal you of your Pacific ocean wave fear in no time.
Think of it as R & D for the Gaylord Rehab Center.
 
hi corny.... just wanted to say i enjoyed finally meeting you at the hoe-down!
 
Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! » »
 
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