Saturday, April 22, 2006

Get it while the link is hot. demos and live tracks from The Grates. They sound something like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs but loads better... Check out songs Sexy Motherfucker, and Accelerator. Sounds like good old garage punk to me, but if the raw quality turns you off, their album Gravity Won't Get You High is cleaned up and slicked down for your listening pleasure.

SMF and Spoke in the Eyes sound great. Thanks for another winning suggestion Corns.

It sounds like a crappy day out there.
It is crappy it is grey. Hi Vapor E. I will lick the raindrops out of your mussed up eyes. Please believe me when I tell you I am looking for the loop.
Please help, my eyes they are a wellin' over here. Everything's gone green.
Frogs: I am not in love, but I'm open to persuasion...east or west...where's the best? for romancing?
Yes Joan, I agree. With a friend, etc. etc. You are fine today. You are the delight.
Hi Guys. Frogs please relay my condolences to MM about the onset of blindness. I think they are close to being able to transplant pig eyes or something.

or is that just livers?
I'll split a pair of pig eyes with MM. My insurance does not include the eyes.
Joan. EAST is best, come hither and I'll explain in detail
Corny thank you I will tell MM about the eye refurbishment. He will be relieved. You are right about the East, the West is a stinkhole.
yeah, good thinking Veyes, best not to HOG a whole pair for yourself
You are in SO much trouble Cornwad!
That was corny, Corny.
The west is a garbage dump INSIDE the stinking bunghole of a ten week old egg sandwich
Corny you deserve to be wadded up in the panty drawer for that number. Get hence.
That was very eloquent. The egg sandwich part, esp.
Poor little Vapor, mama will pay for your own pair. They are two for one at Walmart right now.
My Frog teats are plunging to the bottom of the pond. What to do.
I have a suspicion I can help all of you, you must be willing to sacrifice and possibly eat your own organs though.
Did someone say egg sandwich? I'm so hungry.
Thanks frog. honestly, i was a little unsure about the egg sandwich part...
Which organs? I wanna eat my pancreas.
The lungs are the first to get eaten by you, then onto the liver, then the pancreas. Butter is liberally applied.
Is the egg sandwich a metaphor is what I am wondering or is it simply itself. I must ruminate.
Oh I ain't hungry for metaphors here. I need something more substantial.
As long as there is enough butter...otherwise I really dislike lung.
Liver is ok if it's chopped and spread on a water cracker. I'll eat my own fingers and toes (if it comes to that) and MAYBE a small bite of my own liver, but thats where i draw the line
I am one with arthritis. Please substantiate my falling teats with gelatinous foods. I am so lonely.
Will you eat my liver? Cuase I think mine is like goose patte right now.
Corny, maybe just one bite of your lungs and you will change your mind. Like sausage, I tell you, without the bite of spice on the tongue. Very pleasant.
can we get back to what a shit-ditch the west is...
Carla your liver is heartier than you realize. Go on, test it with toxic agents. Give it a good workout. You will see, it only tastes better over time.
The West is for weaklings. Please remit payment immediately and head East.
Okay, okay, I know the west is a toilet bowl full of asparagus piss.
frogs not to worry about falling teats, mine fell years ago, now it's just easier for the smaller ground dwelling creatchers to reach them.
Yes Carla, it smells like ammonia.
The East is the best for romancing..for sure. With a friend, I can smile...
The west is a nasty piece of work, everyone who lives in the west LIES!
I think my teats have gone SOuth too.
Ground dwellers come up onto me and I will teach you things about nothing. I will teach you to be sullen. That is all I can do.
ANd they carry guns and shit.
I have been a liar all my life. You are right.
I carry a rocket launcher. I smell abhorrent.
How do you make an idiot happy?
ANSWER: put him on a bus to Denver
I am on a bus. I am very unhappy. I hope this speaks highly of my IQ. At least.
note: the bus may not be heading to Denver so the jury is still out on my intelligence, seemingly.
Hold on...we can't include California in the toilet bowl.
Coincidence or underlying truths revealed:

West rhymes with MOLEST and VEST, the worst piece of clothing ever invented.
Mindy: you are on the Atlantic City express!
Surely you jest!
I wear vests from time to time, but Corny I have to agree they are useless items. Corny you are a seer into things. Plus also you are very funny.
My Uncle Carmen molested me while wearing a vest. I am beginning to understand. He was our guest, he was a pest, he never confessed.
I wear vests to bed, Two of them at once.
I spilled ginger ale on my vest earlier this morning (drooling).
Mindy: let it rest. Give it time, you'll digest...don't regress.
I had a vest made of mirrors. It was a good vest, useless, but gay, in the happy sense.
Aye aye Carla.
Oh my goodness Corny. The minute I picture you wearing this, I pictured you miming. Were you? Did you?
It's all done with mirrors.
California is not off my hook! We have many many many misguided friends who live there and will never know ROMANCE. West coast friends and family, this is the LAST TIME I'm going to ask, please come back... we have better oysters and maple syrup here.
I WAS miming actually, a sunbeam t'was i
I was just thinking of some friends and the special Team Shreedder.
You were picturing me as a robot no doubt. I was more of a freakish nature hippy as young child, I danced with flowers mostly.
Team Shredder should move here. They could surf the rockaways and jersey shore if they knew whats good for them.
Very funny! Cute image I wish I can conjure.
Team Shredder takes Jersey! Yeah
I'm getting all worked up and feeling like spaztic-robot death dancing
I feel that way all the time...all the time.
Vapes, we should try surfing ourselves this summer, we'll start a rival club or a new chapter or sompthing
Yes! Maybe I can see while riding the waves....we'll be the Noreasters.
Make that the Noref*kneasters and i'm in!
We need a van with a painting of a GIANT WAVE WITH SHARP TEETH on the side!!!
Okay, I think we can fit that on a tee-shirt.
yeah, a van, we need a razor-toothed van.
not tee-shirts: RAIN SLICKERS, for surfing the nor'easters...
Vapes, we need surf names that will be both cute and playful yet seductive to surf bunnies and other crustations.
YEAH!!!! Spazzy M. your in like flynn!!!
Also we can use rain bonnets to keep our hair dry when were inside the curl
yes, "in the green room," as they say
Attaboy Spaz! Will you step up and be the team linguist?
I'm going now to research Surf Slang to ready myself
Is a blog called nowhere really going to get a van??? Can I airbrush the side?
I donate the blue turd-the worlds longest ugliest, sexiest pickup truck instead of the van. The truck is tougher and your boards can actually stick out the back which is a hot look
I'm willing to do what it takes to make the Team so insanely jealous that they have to move here
Kelli just tell me the place I'll drop the turd off for the paint job
gree c. I love this. Come out to Brooklyn College. I will airbrush some hot Vulcan chicks in mylar bikinis on the side of this turd.
My Dearest Team Jersey:
I don't even know where to begin!
A kaliedescope of koncepts and images is swirling around my head.
It's all too good to be true.
Suffice it to say that I love you all, even more, now.
Team Jersey?
or The Rain Bonnets?

by the way, kelli, what would Team Shredder have to do to get you to airbrush our van? Just so we don't die of jealosy.
Capt'n if I can airbrush my cat Chunky as an obese superhero with a cape and a C on her chest the Team has a deal. But I don't know if any of you will be able to get laid in a van sporting this image?
kelli, I think it will actually increase our chances.
It will weed out the choads because on some base level they will sense that it mocks them (though they will not be able to consciously perceive and articulate it,) and then all of the funny & ironic (aka sexy) girls will want to climb on it.
Capt'n the east coast chapter/splinter group of TeamShredder is to be known as the Nor'f*kneasters or the Norf*kneasters until further notice.
Kelli, that spray job sounds swell but methinks the superhero cat needs to be ripping down the face of a monster wave with giant sharp teeth, Ratfink style.
Capt'n "Norf*kneasters" is a mouthfull and more emotionally demanding then "the rain bonnets". I need to know if you can handle it.
Corny, as team captain and Dictator of the World, this is your call, but personally, I am all over "Norf*kneasters."...
Capt'n: this is a challenge to you. Please come here for a Jersey surf-off.
Thanks Sloth, I'm glad to be Dictator of the World but capt'n is a big responsibility, I think that you or Peedee or MM should take that role. Also I say we use the title Cap'n instead of Capt'n the "t" seems very west coast to me. Think of Cap'n Crunch who was born and raised on Crunch Island somewhere in the Caribbean...
This name is available for a small finders fee.
Also Norf*kneasters can be pronounced
Nor-friggen-easters or
the classic pronuniation,
Aye, Cap'n is the East coast way! I nominate Frogs for Cap'n. I'll let Moondoggie and the gang know.
What about me? I guess it would hard to be Cap'n in my present condition. I will be Isaac, the bartender.
Lovely, Frogs it is. Isaac would you fetch me one of those Oxi&Jacks you're so good at, two umbrellas.
heh, heh,heh, why certainly d.o.w.
By the way, have you seen Doc or Julie around? They said they were gonna play shuffleboard or somethin.'
vapor isaac, I saw Doc and Julie at the surf wave pool; I think they may be planning to challenge the Norf*kineasters. come to think of it, isaac, why are your dress whites all soggy?
Aye, you're right Spaz. I am such a tard. My whites are wet 'cause I was trying to shake up a martini and well...the vapor took hold.
you lost the vapor-lock, huh? you expect me to believe that? you, the word-champeen mixology master?
There is important news I need to overshare: I AM IN LOVE WITH ALL OF YOU.
look, it's frogs.... grab her!
I really need to opiate myself. Please Vapor Eye-sack come to my rescue.
Please grab me and don't stop grabbing until my slimy green skin turns bruisey.
I have agreed to become a shuffleboard puck.
I got her! I am giving Frogs the vapor strong-hold--rubbing vaseline all over the eye sacks!
Love to Frogs!
I agree that the group formerly known as Team Shredder must come to this coast. We need you. We are desperate for you.
frogs, your slimy epidermis is perfect for shuffleboard... you can be the secret weapon of the tourney champeen.
PD, I am squeezing you in my rabid mind, my love is strong and it will not relinquish you. EVER.
Our waves are quick witted, but imagine how much quicker they would be with Capt'n, Seamonkee and Dick Blew!! Wwwwwwwipe Out!
I am interested in assisting the champeen accomplish sultry wins on the sundeck. Spaz. I like your name.
I am aching for the Team. It hurts.
frogs, you're up for cap'n of the Norf*kneasters, y'know...
Oh Frogs, THANK YOU to bits and pieces, bits and pieces! I need your squeezin' like a junkie needs the krunk. (Sorry Pete)
Spaz can you not call them and wake them up? Tell them to come to ABCN POST HASTE.
I'm on it
You're it, you're my junk, Frogs. Slime is sublime.
Slothers there is a chance that I am unready for this title, however there is also a chance that I may be ready. I will lick my own back and don my champeen helper belt. This may increase the odds, I don't know, statistics is not my bag. Booze is.
I'm a frogs-licker from way back...
Go easy on the Team. We don't want to get them angry with our lovin. Let them sleep another hour at least.
frogs, you will rise to the occasion, I have no doubt. you are the stuff of legend.
PD. I am sobbing love-tears into my slime. I have never been so excited to know anyone. Please climb aboard.
Booze rots your teeth.
Spaz I need the licks of love. I am seeking to become a surfer on the ocean of emotion.
Oh Capitone! I am aboard--you cannot ever shake me.
Hi, my teeth are rotting, it affects my breath and my social life.
frogs, you are supreme. hang ten my friend...
Please let us secede from the union of reality and merge into timeless wave-loops. I want to fulfill the digression.
Spaz are you wearing the mirror vest? Are you girating and deflecting with sleights of hand and mouth?
Slothers, are you as lovely as I remember? Are you soft and downy?
frogs, gaze into the mirror vest and you will see...
bubble, my fur is in rare form, all backwardy and algae-soft
What will I see? The future? Will I see the East?
Backwards is the gas we need. I love that type of fur.
the mirror vest is the team armor; too bad there's only one. corny will have to share.
Are your eyes shiny like bridge tokens?
I live only in the present, sadly. There is no hope for me.
Corny will share, I can feel it on my psychedelic back. Corny loves to share her mirrors.
yes, shiny and twirling like swirly lollies.
NCLAD I am sorry for you. Start walking backwards, there is still hope.
No Child, you live in a present? oh, I will free you from your giftwrap, wee one.
Like swirly lollies? Like whirl-a-gigs? Mesmerizing.
yes, you got it... pinwheel eyes
Oh geez I leave for one nano-second to check in with my new obsession, FitTV which airs Caribbiean Workout 24 hours a day and look what I come back to!!!!
The privatizaton program will begin as soon as the decree is launched for secession. There will be multiple units per person, a nominal fee at the inception and then we are free to live as we like.
vapor eyes, you're on notice!
Corny are you wearing your Caribbean workout jumpsuit? I bet you look exciting.
No social security, no pension. I only have the joy of hot dog towers and mac and cheese.
corny, does this show give you the fits?
The mirror vest is big enough for all of us, also if you rub it the right way it reproduces by mitosis
what did I do?
My eyes are turning pinwheely too, it's contagious. It's the ether effect.
I DO look exciting frogs, unitarded actually
Please reproduce by rubbing.
Are you goin' coconuts?
now my fur is twirling; never seen THAT before...
Corny does your mirror vest come with pocket pouches and power cuffs. Just curious.
A Sloth covered in whirl-a-gig fur is the kind of Sloth that belongs on my back. There is still room. Will you?
will the Norf*kneasters have wristbands and headbands, too? oh please say yes...
Many years bad luck vest.
rubbing rubbing rubbing....
IT works! Now I've gottwo identical mirror vests, thouht there seems to be a small prblem with the DNA replication...
hold still, frogs; you are not easy to climb onto, slimy one.
Can we wear nail scissor earrings as part of the outfit? I know it could be dangerous while surfing but I am extreme like that.
the new vest is knee lenght, Maude style

me rub you long time
I know, I am slimey times twenty, but my back is plentiful for resting upon once you achieve your equilibrium. I do believe I will repay you in hallucinations for making the slippery effort.
frogs must use your back to practice surf manuvers on.
God'll get you for that, Corny.
I can not be smited or smit or smoted or smotten when wearing the maxi-vest
Sorry wrathful god, but it's the law of physics. I don't make the rules.
FROGS, SLOTHS, VAPES!!!! did I tell you about the GIANT massive LOVE wave with teeth I'm having for yous?
I go practice the lunges and thrusts in this norf*kneast wet outdoor crap we have here now.
I am reversing the massive snaggle-toothed wave of love in your direction!
oh, corny............. big smothering love-tsunami with puncturing fangs back at you, corns.
don't tell Team Shredder about this shite weather... it's our secret weapon. builds character.
plus they'll laugh at us.
Dear Norf*n'easters:
This talk excites me to the maximum. Where is the love, you ask? Right fuckin here!!
Now, sadly, I must waddle off to "work" all day. The Mrs. is also working all day. Sea Monkey is recovering from an extremely late-night return from Mexico....she may not get out the bed all day...or all week...
I'm sad to drag myself away. I want to stay and play. I will try to wake Sea Monkey this eve for a joint return to the ether....
over and out
Slime puddles to everyone.
(frogs surf board is actually a lillypad but just pretend like it's cool)
Sloths I'm liking the vampire wave image, we must meet at Photoshop Cove for a little cutty pastey
I want to get a surf board big enough to have parties on. Just saying.
Frogs' lilypad is big enough for everyone, please come over. You get miniaturized instantly, etc. I will serve foods of the world while I play on the religious harps.
Frogs must go lip synch into hairbrush now. Frogs is wearing fake lips.
Play harp while surfing, a good tip for beginners like myself frogs!
hung out with them. they played with the blood arm/we are scientists. they were kind of okay but nothing to write home about. xo kb
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hey keith, thank you for bringing us back to topic. The Blood Arm is a hard act to follow.
oooo blogger is DEAD! It's really pissing me off this morning.
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