Sunday, March 05, 2006

 
Homuncului are cool and helpful. Heres how you get one: take an egg laid by a black hen, poke a tiny hole through the shell, replace a bean-sized portion of the white with human sperm and bury the egg in dung on the first day of the March lunar cycle. A nifty little humanoid will emerge from the egg after thirty days! Or impregnate a willing tree or get impregnated by a mandrakeroot, et voila! Heres the most reliable method; Let the semen ejaculated by a hanged man (during the last convulsive spasms before death) fall to the ground and take root. Then carfully transplant the growth to your greenhouse or sunlit clerestory. Feed it milk and blood, it should develop into a miniature human which will guard over you, help you with the house work (including washing brushes and cat litter duty) and in some cases, take over your brain to do the thinking, and feeling so you can finally RELAX. Homunculi enjoy a steady diet of lavender seeds and earthworms, though the diet will vary.

Comments:
Corny you may not have known this but I consider myself a homunculus. Now I know my birth myth, thank you for your research into this phenomenon.
 
Your welcome MM. I had my suspisions about your homuncularity. I'd love to see baby pictures sometime, lil' old you all snugapoo in the little beeker...
 
I was with Hominculi once, but had to abort--I was broke and could not provide even a Pillsbury pillow for the wee one. I am not proud.
 
PD, this is distressing to say the least. We may have to look further into your case, assemble a docier on you and keep it on file in case of future misdeeds regarding the life cycle of homunculi. Watch your back.
 
I am on hand for legal advice regarding any suits filed against any homunculi or any alleged wrong-doer against homunculi. Call me.
 
EEP, Corny, I didn't realize one could become impregnated by one's mandrakeroot! There weren't any warnings on the box...

I only hope I don't end up with one of those sensory homunculi:

http://www.jwz.org/images/41489_big.jpg

They are the worst.
 
doughboy is a humonculous? always thought loving from the oven sounded like spontaneous generation.
 
speaking of alchemy always thought Coagula should be called Solve ( the breaking apart not the coming together)
 
Hey, I was young and did not know the workings of the mandrake root, exactly. Please public defender...help me. I can pay you in pigs in the blanket, for now.
 
Where are they sticking their fingers in thos Pillsbury Doughboy commercials? Stomach, or in the bathing suit area?
 
no wonder he giggles... the giant finger is pressing his love-button! Who wouldn't?
 
Nothing says hand-job like Pillsbury Dough...
 
Slothy, "shockingly hideous" is an insufficient description of your daughter, I'm assuming it's a girl 'cause it looks like a sensory humunculi and if it was a boy his fiddlestick would be the size of chicago -and then some.
Geez that child is crazy looking, she might get along with my Mandrakeroot

love child, her name is Shastacola.

http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/data/media/1/8_ugly_people.jpg
 
PD do you work on Madison Ave. by any chance? I'm pretty sure you do.
 
lol, Corny you are killing me softly with your high-larity! can't think of snappy comeback, too busy laughing...
 
Wow, you guys have shown me the error of my ways with your beautiful photos. I want one.

Yes, Corny, I am a Madison Ave. exec. and I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, ever let you forget you're a mandrakeroot...and I'm a woman.
 
Corny, The Cap'n and I recently made our own homonculus ("Li'l Dirndle") when the surf was flat, and while The Cap'n was out there partying with you, I ran out of lavendar and earthworms. But I happened to have a few specimeens left over from the parasite cleanse, which are attractively displayed in my clerestory. Well, long story short, the little nut went crazy! He's snacking his was bit by bit through the largest tapeworm ("Clive"), which Li'l Dirndle likes to sprinkle with a bit of his own "Choad Seed" recipe. Through in a few toasted maggots (plentiful in my kitchen), and you've got yourself a kind of Chex Party Mix for the artificially incubated!
 
Seamonkee!!! Hi Sweetums, light of my everything. I met your leader, she's the sweetest thing walking.

Gad zooks, your homunculus is a handfull. Lil'Drindle and Clive sound like they are deeply codependant, they need time apart. Maybe you can send clive back here to help us with our shape shifting/self-cannibalism project. It started with some chewing on the nails and is progressing beautifully, but could always use the help of a friendly tapeworm to "breach our privacy".
This orbital relationship with clive could be confusing, eating and being eaten, but damn if tapeworm, toasted maggots and chode seed isnt my favoride dish come the holidays, an Irish classic!
 
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