Monday, January 23, 2006

In the name of being an equal opportunity offender, we present to you our new favorite website The Utah Baby Namer which was passed on to me by my brother in law Danny. I have to give him credit for this post and as he put it,
...despite our marriages into the very heart of preppidom, we ourselves are jewy jewy Jews. I think this calls for a link to a list of ridiculous Jewish names. Sadly, outre Jewish names don't scan as ridiculous so much as failed attempts to sound WASPy (Herman, Milton), old-and-shriveled (Golda, Leon) or backwoodsman-esque (Jedidiah, Hezekiah).
My own family has some good ones, my grandparents Zapora and Saul named their sons Sheldon (my dad) and Bernard
my uncle, who is called Bernie. But Danny is right, while Zapora could also be the name of a space monster, it doesn't come close to the kookiest of preppy names. I couldn't find a list of preppy names online and Danny wrote, "I don't know of a list of insane preppy names other than the Social Register (which probably will be put online the same day hell freezes over)" However Mrs. Cub is a great help in this area, Turkey, Parker, Spencer, Chalfant, Gardner, Ham, Pooey, Doffy...and that's just from her family. Friends include Duane (a woman), at least 2 known Kittys, Bunny, Happy, Kit, Kippy, E4 (Edmond IV), Chicken, Fritz, then there are always the Pat Patersons and Pete Petersons, the best of which is Boaty Boatwright. Brother in law continues:
If you want to be really pedantic about it, you could point out that the funniest WASPy names are the puritan names. These names were so bad that it's my contention that they drove WASPs to abandon first names altogether in favor of strings of last names (like, say, Parker Hamilton Hayes Robinson, for example). Here's a good list: Puritan names and a funny article: Puritan Onomastics. This is the best part of the article: " A great many English Puritans lived in Sussex, for example, but only about 1 percent of New England's immigrants came from that county. Sussex Puritans made heavy use of hortatory names such as Be-Courteous Cole (in the parish of Pevensey), Safely-on-high Snat (Uckfield), Fight-the-good-fight-of-faith White (Ewhurst), Small-hope Biggs (Rye), Humiliation Scratcher (Westham), Kill-sin Pemble (also Westham), and Mortifie Hicks (Hailsham). A classic example was an unfortunate young woman named Ffly fornication bull, of Hailsham, Sussex, who was made pregnant in the shop of a yeoman improbably called Goodman Woodman."
I'm very fond of the name Humiliation Scratcher. Thinking my Puritan name would be Ruined Slug or Prostate-on-Sofa.

Checked out Yale alumini magazine for Wasps: Henry Sloane Coffin. I grew up with a Muffy(guess Clitty was spoken for). What about cooky Southern names: my mom is Orma Artelle. was almost named Sophie Bertha or Oshie Clemendale.
hey i notice the utah names are pretty much like the african american names that you brought up before. not sure what that means but just wanted to offer it.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Corny dealing with things in Corny fashion with humor & tolerence. Woke up from this morn from nightmare about old corporate job. Hardly want whole world to be corporate.
"Bimberly" from the U.B.N. page is almost as good as "Moronica". Almost!!! I came up with a good black-girl name the other day inspired by Nixzmary - Sharmnixzashaquisha. Beat that!
bimberly is fantastic! so is Orma Artelle. wow. Kelli, I didn't know you're from southern stock. As Bart Simpson would say, you are a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vest.
anon, sorry I trashed your comment, I just can't deal with the negative today, too hung over and delicate. Maybe we can duke it out tomorrow.
Despite Blanche Dubois tendencies & the name Orma at my age my mom worked as a burlesque dancer & drove a Jaguar. Now she lives in a beach house with a guy 20 years younger. Maybe if I drink a lot of mint juleps life will improve?
What about Mindy as a jewish wannabe preppy name? Or Mandy. Also, I went to high school with a Wyndham Quay. What is this all about?
Names on Jewish mom's side: Zelda, Morris, Roz, Sylvia. Irish American dad had a sis named Genivieve.
Kelli, your mom sounds great. I wanna party with Orma!
hey , have you heard the way to find out what your porn star name would be (assuming you're not already)? take the name of your first pet with your mothers maiden name. my comes out as Bootsy
corny girl,

you are full of wisdom and light.


grashopper b
corny girl,

you are full of wisdom and light.


grashopper b
My porn name is Max Hymovitz. I am hott.
I'd heard a slight variant on the porn name(first name=childhood pet, last name =childhood home's street) which I prefer because it makes me Chocolate Terwilleger.
Mine would be Yun King Arthur
Capt'n, everytime you leave a comment here I end up with beer shooting out my nose.
My porn name is Mitzie Laband, I think Chocolate Terwilleger would outrival me on the street.
I just got home from the upstate sanatorium where I met with new clients. Feeling dull and lumplike, thankfully we have an episode of Country Boys Tivoed, did anyone happen to catch that frontline mini-series about the two teen-age boys in rural kentucky? Brilliant.
My porn star name is Cinnamon Maplecrest. That's right! I'm a high-class hookah. (But that's from the version where you take your pet's name and the name of the street you grew up on.)
Tiki Chalet. Our relative's dog Puddles lived with us first but thank Jesus was never considered our dog.
I like Puddles Chalet better!
Muffin Winchester, at your service.
Country Boys----
love it, though Chris gets a bit whiney after a while.

Cody is awesome-has a great wit/wisdom beyond his years and his speaking voice is wonderful- He sounds just like Billy Bob Thorton.
Muffin Winchester sounds like the madam/pledge sister's name from the Brown University sorority that transformed itself into a brothal, finally they got busted by the police and there was a big scandle.
I'm thinking a group portrait painting of all these fictional hookers would be a good thing.
Kelli the Tallis you recomended is amazing.
cody spoke without moving his lips.
speaking of names has terms of endearment for nancy boys /personal fave: bone smuggler
ok, back to work
Corny, how did you KNOW?? Did you go to Brown, too? Sigma Epsilon Chi...?
brother-in-law, i'm afraid using the childhood home street variation on my porn name turns out even worse: bootsie 172nd terrace... guess i'll stick with bootsie schreiner!
Muffin, I was at RISD in the late 80's when the story broke, it was a big scandal and I think it even became a national story. I mean it is pretty much a fantasy come true, sorority house=house of pleasure.

Wilhelmina, Yeah, Cody ruled, I loved the relationship his insane alcoholic dad had with that pig of his.
Kelli, "Handbag Boy" from the web page you posted is classic! We need to invent a new naming system that comibines black-girl, Mormon, Jewish, WASP, pet and gay names into one: Nancymuffinboy Shaquishabimberly Jedidah Jackson-Winchester IV (aka Bunny Puddles), for example. Come up with your own!
my mrs. and i snuck up to the hill behind us upstate after the last white out and did some spying on the place, which is your typical catskil summer compound for jews, ukis or other. past the bungalos we found a narrow yet obvious clearing and after plowing through it for some time came upon a creepy abandoned cemetary dating back to the 1700's. i left my graphite sticks and paper in the studio in BKNY, so we used snow to do rubbings on the headstones. my favorite was that of Pardon Sheldon. i'd like to think pardon could have been the first name. what about the idea of interchangeable first and last names- or nouns or expressions? excuse me might be an example. or vanity fair. need to think about that some more...
Preppy names for you
This is for the Capt'n. My name is Sheri B. I also went to high school with Wyndham Quay in Wynnewood, PA. Chances are good that with a name like that, it is the same person. I was trying to locate her online when your blog came up. Any idea where she is now?
You have an outstanding good and well structured site. I enjoyed browsing through it here
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