Wednesday, November 09, 2005
A 300lb. TOOL OF GOD
Once in a while there comes a TeeVee show that defines a generation, (The X Files, Dallas, Welcome Back Kotter) Trading Spouses is the mothership of reality TV, the form at it's pinnacle. In tonights episode we witnessed the wave cresting, it won't get any better than this.
From Ponchatoula Louisiana, a grossly obese fanatical Christian with no front tooth, swapping places with the wife of a new agey New England family for one week suprisingly does not equal comedy!
By the end of the show Marguerite has lost her grip on reality and throws a super size tantrum, screeching that she is "gods warrior" while her family looks on in horror. She shrieks that the other woman was not Christian and had brought the darkside into their home. Finally she tears up the "tainted" 50,000 dollar check that comes with the swap and tries to kick the camera crew out of her home because they too are "darksided".
Two important points need to be made.
a)This episode of Trading Spouses explains EVEYTHING to me, from the war in Iraq to why some people want to teach mythology as science. As the astute Mrs. Cub so keenly put it, "She's a loudmouth ignafuckenramus" and this country is busting at the seams of our XXXL sized strech pants with "God's tools" like these. She is a manifestation of George Bush's ID. I think theres a very small angry fat woman inside his brain that counsels him at night. Really, she's the brain behind EVERYTHING!
b) Marguerite Perrin is from the same home town as our own Keith boadwee! Which brings me straight to the heart of the matter, how closely is Boadwee connected to this woman? He'll deny a blood relationship but Keith you have nothing to be ashamed of...
Once in a while there comes a TeeVee show that defines a generation, (The X Files, Dallas, Welcome Back Kotter) Trading Spouses is the mothership of reality TV, the form at it's pinnacle. In tonights episode we witnessed the wave cresting, it won't get any better than this.
From Ponchatoula Louisiana, a grossly obese fanatical Christian with no front tooth, swapping places with the wife of a new agey New England family for one week suprisingly does not equal comedy!
By the end of the show Marguerite has lost her grip on reality and throws a super size tantrum, screeching that she is "gods warrior" while her family looks on in horror. She shrieks that the other woman was not Christian and had brought the darkside into their home. Finally she tears up the "tainted" 50,000 dollar check that comes with the swap and tries to kick the camera crew out of her home because they too are "darksided".
Two important points need to be made.
a)This episode of Trading Spouses explains EVEYTHING to me, from the war in Iraq to why some people want to teach mythology as science. As the astute Mrs. Cub so keenly put it, "She's a loudmouth ignafuckenramus" and this country is busting at the seams of our XXXL sized strech pants with "God's tools" like these. She is a manifestation of George Bush's ID. I think theres a very small angry fat woman inside his brain that counsels him at night. Really, she's the brain behind EVERYTHING!
b) Marguerite Perrin is from the same home town as our own Keith boadwee! Which brings me straight to the heart of the matter, how closely is Boadwee connected to this woman? He'll deny a blood relationship but Keith you have nothing to be ashamed of...
# posted by Corny @ 11:35 PM 
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Keith, I have to add that whenever I picture your home I'm picturing marguerite's house.
Man (shaking head) she's a sad yet scary raging biggot, and her friends were insane too and rude as hell to boot.
PEOPLE, WHERES THE LOVE?
I read somewhere she's making an appearance on Access Hollywood...
Man (shaking head) she's a sad yet scary raging biggot, and her friends were insane too and rude as hell to boot.
PEOPLE, WHERES THE LOVE?
I read somewhere she's making an appearance on Access Hollywood...
We proclam all creepy little southern towns full of biggots shall hearby be known as Margueritaville
# posted by 
: 12:27 AM
: 12:27 AM
ONE: You MUST ALWAYS ADDRESS ME as
GRANDMASTER B OF THE BLOOD ARM
TWO: I did go to high school with the husband, Barry, but he was a jock and I was definitely a stoner. Therefore, we never really rocked the same social strata. "DAZED AND CONFUSED" is on the right track but those kids were rich kids compared to the kids at Ponchatoula HIgh.
THREE: Whenever you picture THE HOUSE OF GRANDMASTER B OF THE BLOOD ARM you should be picturing THE TAJ MAJAL.
FOUR: Margurerite is a CATHOLIC! The Boadwee clan are DEVOUT BAPTISTS. Now, everybody knows that a GOOD SOUTHERN BAPTIST don't mix with those drinkin', dancin', STATUE WORSHIPPIN' HEATHENS known as CATHOLICS!
FIVE: I did hear a rumour about a BOADWEE CHILD THAT WAS MYSTERIOUSLY PUT UP FOR ADOPTION. COULD MARGUERITE PERRIN BE SHE? She IS really LOUD and that's definitely THE DEFINING BOADWEE CHARACTERISTIC!!!
GRANDMASTER B HAS SPOKEN
GRANDMASTER B OF THE BLOOD ARM
TWO: I did go to high school with the husband, Barry, but he was a jock and I was definitely a stoner. Therefore, we never really rocked the same social strata. "DAZED AND CONFUSED" is on the right track but those kids were rich kids compared to the kids at Ponchatoula HIgh.
THREE: Whenever you picture THE HOUSE OF GRANDMASTER B OF THE BLOOD ARM you should be picturing THE TAJ MAJAL.
FOUR: Margurerite is a CATHOLIC! The Boadwee clan are DEVOUT BAPTISTS. Now, everybody knows that a GOOD SOUTHERN BAPTIST don't mix with those drinkin', dancin', STATUE WORSHIPPIN' HEATHENS known as CATHOLICS!
FIVE: I did hear a rumour about a BOADWEE CHILD THAT WAS MYSTERIOUSLY PUT UP FOR ADOPTION. COULD MARGUERITE PERRIN BE SHE? She IS really LOUD and that's definitely THE DEFINING BOADWEE CHARACTERISTIC!!!
GRANDMASTER B HAS SPOKEN
personally I was heart-warmed by the Tuesday episode of wife-swap where the vegan convinced the mafia guy to appreciate his wife and everybody ended up doing yoga. At the Hunter lecture all the sculpture boys foolishly claimed fucking machines is the most extreme bondage site on the net until I directed them to House of Gord and won a bet. People have known me for a few months- they should know better than to bet me on these matters.
# posted by : 2:28 AM
: 2:28 AM
Kelli I'm glad you set those boys straight, thought I'll ba making inquiries of my own into the websites you mention. But now I need to set YOU straight... Wife-swap is high class teevee compaired to Trading Spouses, you might as well be watching Master Piece Theater only Fox would cut and paste such diametrically opposed families and it never ends up pretty.
Grandmaster B, my humble appoligies for not adressing you by your full title, it won't happen again. Thank you for clarifing what your childhood home looks like, I knew it had to be something spectacular! You are The G master B...
Thats CRAZY that you were in High School with Barry, he looks like 20 years older then u... what with skin the texture of pork rhinds and all.
Thats CRAZY that you were in High School with Barry, he looks like 20 years older then u... what with skin the texture of pork rhinds and all.
Kelli, You win for sure, House of Gord is brilliant. Warms my heart to know somewhere in the world that is going on as i sit here sipping my PG Tips. I'm liking Fucking machines alot too, being a reader of this blog you know how I feel about robots...
She was already on Access Hollywood.
They had her get a massage and did her hair.
They said she was not as bad as she seems.
I think she is very ill and needs help.
They had her get a massage and did her hair.
They said she was not as bad as she seems.
I think she is very ill and needs help.
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# posted by : 5:49 AM
: 5:49 AM << Home
